Atticted Too
by Beatlebug
Summary: Sequel to Atticted. A year has passed. Sirius and Remus are still together. Missions for the Order leaves them little time together. Cracks are starting to form in their relationship. Then something awful happens.. Will Remus be strong enough to fight for what he wants? Rated M for M/M action, violence and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! So.. Welcome to the Atticted sequel that I so very cleverly named Atticted Too. Get the double entendre there? Love it. Either way, welcome! Story can be read without reading Atticted first, but I very much recommend to do that though. It's bloody amazing, that's why. Either way. Here we go!**

**Summary:**

**It has been one year since that dreadful night of torture and reuniting. The Wizarding World is at war. People are dying and hiding. The Order of the Phoenix has its hands fill. Life isn't getting easier for anyone, lovers, parents and friends. Well.. Read and see.**

**Warning:**

**Rated M for m/m, language and violence.**

**Downer: Don't own the characters. Just the plots.**

_'So, why a roommate in a house like this?' Sirius asked when he had re-found his usual guts. 'Divorce.' The man grimaced. 'Why renting a room in a house like this?' 'Got kicked out.' Sirius shrugged._

_'Why are you so kind. Why didn't you kick me out after.. Well. That certain display of affection.' 'Ah. That. Well.' Remus grimaced. 'I've seen enough hatred in this world to not want to be a part of it.'_

_'Have you know for a long time?' Sirius finally broke the silence. 'I am not gay!' Remus shouted, throwing his cup of tea on the ground. It shattered to a thousand pieces in the very literal breaking point Sirius was looking for._

_'Allow me.' Sirius shouted over the deafening rain hitting the streets. Remus turned around. He had to squeeze his eyes to prevent the rain from blurring his sight more. When he finally seemed to realize who it was shouting in his ear, he almost dropped his bag of groceries. 'I'm sorry.' Sirius smirked. 'You look like you've seen a ghost.' Remus recovered quickly and smiled. 'Not in quite some time. Left pocket.'_

_'Should I kiss you now?' Sirius whispered. Oddly enough not in the voice he knew could drive men crazy. It was just a whisper, a soft murmuring of kind words. He leaned in a bit to ensure Remus knew he meant it. 'Yes.' Was the reply he got and his heart skipped a beat._

_'But he is so young!' Lily pressed. 'You can't just run head of heels in a relationship with someone that much younger than you. You hardly know him. Just thinking you are in love shouldn't be enough! Especially if with your problems!'_

_'Why don't you just leave me the fuck alone?' He shouted. Never would he be proud of this moment but he shouted. Apparently he had jumped of the couch and was now staring at Remus who was staring back at him. 'Sirius, calm down.'_

_Sirius stormed towards the door, hearing Remus shout in his wake. 'They are just junkies!' But it was no use. He slammed the door open, crossed the street without looking. Several cars screeched and there was some shouting but Sirius ignored them. 'Who the fuck are you guys and what are you doing here!'_

_'Get out!' It was fiercer now as he turned around. There was a fire in his eyes and it startled Sirius. 'Why? What have I done?' 'Don't think I don't know who you are! Christ. Have they send you here to spy on me? On the order? How could I have been so stupid? I can't believe that was your secret.' His fist hit the doorpost, hard. Sirius stepped back._

_Sirius! Sirius, stay awake. Please.' Remus cradled his torso, tapping his cheeks. 'You'll be alright. Don't die on me. Don't you dare die on me! Lily! James!'_

'Wemus?'

_Was that Sirius' voice? Was he okay? Why was he sounding that weird?_

'Wemus. Be a deaw and wake up befow you weally bweak my nose?'

_The dream stilled. Remus frowned, looking at his hands. How could he be breaking someone's nose if no one was near? Then, all of a sudden the streets seemed to close up on him so fast it got him dizzy. Faces appeared. Stormy grey eyes. Hazel ones. A little baby growing into a tiny toddler with black hair and piercing green eyes. A house, a bed, a winning smile, serious faces, doorsteps, people running, people screaming. Jets of light. A woman with pink hair, staring at him with a mixture of fear and gratitude. Sirius, tight to a chair, bleeding from a nasty cut in his cheek and fiery anger in his eyes._

'WEMUS!'

'Fuck!' Remus shouted as he shot up straight and almost crashing into a dark-haired person straddling him.  
'Chwist. I thought you'd nevw come ouw of it.' The person said and for a moment Remus just stared at him in disbelieve. Was he really here? Safe? He blinked, twice.  
'Sirius, is that you?' He asked, still a bit dazed by the nightmare that had been chasing him for over a year now.  
'I suw howp so.' Sirius mumbled, one eyebrow raised, speaking with the same muffled voice Remus had heard in his dream.  
'Why are you talking so.. Oh! Oh dear!' He clapped a hand in front of his mouth as he realized Sirius was pinching his nose. A few droplets of red splattered his upper lip and were starting to dry and crumble between his fingers. 'Did I do that?' He reached for his wand, found it and mumbled a quick spell. Sirius made a face as the bleeding stopped and the blood disappeared.  
'Who knew. Remus Lupin, poster boy of domestic violence.' He wiggled his nose to make sure everything was okay as Remus fell back down on the mattress, covering his face with his arms.

'The nightmare again, huh.' Sirius asked as his fingers played with the little hairs underneath Remus' bellybutton. Remus knew Sirius hated seeing him struggle like that but wasn't in the mood to comfort him.  
'Ngh.' Was all Remus replied, only half aware of the moving weight on his stomach.  
'Why does it always end so bad? I mean.. We've done some pretty amazing stuff the past year. Why does it always end in some weird kidnapping?'  
'I don't know.' Remus grumbled.

The nightmare was the same, every single time. It would recall what had happened the first week he and Sirius had met, up until the moment he thought Sirius would die in his arms. Then it would flash forward in a dizzying blur of all that had happened in the past year. The birth of Lily and James' son. How they moved out of the library and into a small apartment, together. But then things would pop up that never happened. People screaming in panic. Dora staring at him with that strange look. And Sirius getting kidnapped and tortured, every single time. It was getting exhausting.

He wasn't getting much sleep as it was without them. In fact, living together wasn't at all what they expected. But the thought that it eventually would be, was what kept them together. Remus was on missions for the Order more frequently now. If he wasn't, he was probably transforming. The nights he got to spend with Sirius were perfect, but scarce. In fact, they were what he kept in mind when the nights out got cold and lonely. Knowing he had someone to come home to made it a lot easier to ignore a growling stomach or the fleas he would so frequently take home with him. All he could do was hope the War would end soon, preferably in their favorite, and they'd finally get the life they hoped for.

'If you are done feeling all sorry for yourself and being dramatic and stuff..' Sirius said and Remus glared at him from underneath his arm. 'We have a birthday to attend to.' Remus frowned. Birthday? What.. And then it hit him.  
'Harry!'  
'Harry indeed.' Sirius grinned widely. 'So, if you don't mind. I have it on great authority the little marauder misses me greatly.'  
'He can hardly talk.'  
'It's in his ways.' Sirius said, repeating the dramatic fall Remus had performed earlier, earning himself a poke in the ribs and a kiss in his neck.  
'Now who's dramatic? Get dressed then. Missing you is one thing, but seeing you naked might scar him for life.'  
'Oh, fuck off!'

Sirius hopped of the bed and starting dressing. Apart from a fresh pair of boxers he picked up the clothes he threw on the floor so carelessly last night, too tired to fold them up and put them on a chair as Remus preferred. Then he fell down on the bed again, staring at the ceiling for a moment longer.

Yes. Having someone to come home to, someone you wanted to come home to, made things a lot more bearable. Especially if that person was Sirius Black.

**There we are, first chapter! I know it's just a short one, but I thought we needed a little introduction over what had happened in the past year and stuff. More will come, of course.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A little more insight in the enigma that is Remus Lupin. When we first met him, he just got divorced. It's been a year now in which he had time to overview his life and all events. Any of you expected it to be just a year of happy lovey-dovey stuff? Think again.  
Huge chapter, I know. Could break it off in tiny pieces but hey.. is that really what you want?**

They had breakfast, though it was closer to lunch, in the small kitchen of their apartment. It was a quite nice one with wooden details. Remus liked it a lot. A little table under the window was their usual spot for breakfast. At least, if they got the chance to enjoy it together. There were still a few unpacked boxes in a corner. It had been almost a year and still they weren't done unpacking. Not their fault. The amount of time they spent together to give everything a proper place was just so little. Nevertheless, it was theirs and it was home.

Sirius had fallen in love with the tiny apartment at first sight. There was nothing luxurious about it but there were big windows that let in lots of light and lots of details from the age it was build in. It had taken Remus some convincing to live in the center of London but as Sirius had leaned on the windowsill, head resting in his hands and staring down the crowded street beneath with a satisfied smile on his face, he couldn't resist. Plus, they could afford it. Well. Sirius could.

The library had closed down shortly after Harry was born. Not because Lily no longer wanted to work, it was becoming too risky. They were depended on their muggle costumers but keeping wizards out was getting more and more difficult. Plus, the Death Eaters that followed them that night knew they had fled there and there was a patrol pretty much all of the time, keeping a close eye on what used to be the library. It was now turned completely into the Order of the Phoenix downstairs with James, Lily and Harry living upstairs. It was rather large and they'd often have people over to stay for business. Visiting was only possible if you knew the magic word and were able to apparated exactly on the doorstep.

Either way, what he was trying to say was that with the library closing he lost his only source of income. And getting a job wasn't easy being a werewolf. Apart from that, he didn't want to bring muggles in danger. What if Death Eaters showed up there? There wouldn't have any trouble with either kidnapping or killing him and blasting up whatever muggle would be in their way. No. That wasn't an option.

Luckily, which seemed a cruel but just choice of words, the unfortunate happening of the passing of Sirius' uncle, Alphard, was news that came to them the day Harry was born. Sirius had been completely broken hearted when he read about it in the papers, shortly after the funeral. He had wondered out loud whether no one contacted him because they didn't know his whereabouts or whether his fucking shitty family just couldn't care less. Either way, the owl with the testimony _did _find his way, leaving him the small fortune that allowed him to pay the rent for this flat for the rest of his life if he wanted to.

'Dreaming about how we got to live here, again, are you?' Sirius said as he poked Remus in his cheek with the back of his fork before putting it in his mouth.  
'Yes, sorry.'  
'Did you use the unfortunate choice of the word luckily again?'  
'Oh, shut up. It was _you_ who said that, not me.'  
'Yeah well. It was my grief. I got say about it what I want. Now eat your eggs before they get cold. Cold eggs are hardly any good.'  
Remus made him a face but smiled and ate his now lukewarm eggs. Sirius would often repeats things he once said when the situation struck. He'd make an incredibly serious, posh voice along with it that didn't suit Remus in the slightest but it made him laugh every single time and Sirius knew that.  
'Where did I put Harry's gift?'  
'Bathroom.' Remus said.  
'What? Why would I put it _there?_' Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows to almost impossible height.  
'Beats me.'  
'I'm weird.'  
'Yup.'  
'Shut up.'

'Lily is going to hate me for this, isn't she.'  
'Definitely.'

The conversation took place between mouths full of eggs until there plates were empty, Remus flicking them clean with his wand and Sirius running down to the bathroom to see if it really was there. Which it was, by the way.  
Remus locked the door as Sirius tried his best not to step of the doormat. Dumbledore himself had placed some very impressive spells around their apartment. One of them was this very doormat. You could only see it if you knew it was there, which were about five people, and it was the only way to leave and enter the apartment unseen.

***

There was a spell just like that placed on the doorstep of the former Library and that's where they landed, Sirius' arms wrapped around Remus' waist to make sure neither of them would accidently land elsewhere. Sirius unraveled himself and the gift from around Remus as the latter knocked on the door which was opened by James with glasses hanging from one of his ears.

'Hey guys, good to see you! Let me – aaargh.' Two pairs of hands appeared right from him and pulled him from sight. Both Sirius and Remus peeked around the corner to see two tall, skinny men with fiery red hair lift James above their heads and escort him away while singing loudly.  
'FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD DAAHAAD, FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD DAAHAAD. FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOED DAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAD AND HE HASN'T SCREWED UP YET.'  
Sirius burst out laughing, running behind them before changing his mind, running back to Remus to push the gift in his hands and turn around to follow the tiny parade again, joining in singing as he snatched someone's beer from a table along the way.

Remus shook his head as he gazed around the room for a bit. He was glad to see Sirius got along so well with James and the Prewett brothers, but he preferred to start of with some quieter company. That he found in the shape of Frank and Alice Longbottom, cradling their owl little kid that was about Harry's age.  
'Hey, how is Neville doing?' He asked as he sat down and both parents smiled at him kindly. He liked Alice and Frank. He had known them for quite some time and they were two of the kindest people one could meet.  
'He is doing great.' Alice smiled proudly at the chubby little boy on her lap. 'How are you doing? Revived from your last mission?  
'Quite.' Remus smiled back as he acciod a glass of wine from the bar. 'It's all for a good cause.'  
'Hear, hear.' Frank added, raising his glass as they toasted.  
They had a little chat about Neville's development and his birthday the previous day, which Remus and Sirius didn't get to visit due to work, as Remus tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach. Instead he smiled politely and asked questions that gave young parents the chance to proudly brag about their little ones. After a few minutes they excused themselves and left. Grandmother was coming for a visit. Remus met her once and she wasn't the kind of woman you wanted to keep waiting. The giant vulture on her hat still give him the creeps.

'How are you doing?' Lily sank down on the couch next to him and handed him another glass of wine.  
'Fine. Why?' He took a sip. Knowing damn well she was just leading op to dreaded question.  
'You look awful.'  
'Thanks Lils. You always now how to cheer up a guy.'  
'Oh hush. How is things going between the two of you? We hardly get to see each other with the war going on.'  
'As good as one can expect from circumstances.'  
'And how good is that?'  
Remus gave her a knowing look, meaning that he knew perfectly well that she had been wanting to investigate his love life for weeks.  
'If you are asking whether I regret my decisions, the answer is no.'  
'I'm not! It's just that.. Well. With James and me, we got all the time to get to know each other. And you know I'm all for!' She apologized, hands in the air as Remus gave her a frown. 'All I'm trying to say is that it must be hard to live with a guy you see about one or two nights a week if you're lucky.'  
Remus nodded, glad that it seemed Lily had finally given up fighting (though she had casually started doing that a few months ago).  
'It is hard and conditions are not working in our favor, but Sirius is the best thing that happened to me in a very long time. If not ever.'

She squeezed his hand as their eyes scanned the room to find neither James nor Sirius.  
'That can't be good.' She mumbled and Remus chuckled.  
'Partners in crime.' He said and Lily nodded before giving his hand another squeeze.  
'Remus?'  
'Yes?'  
'If I ever give the slightest note of being bothered with your relationship, slap me. I know I've been a bitch about it, but I've never seen you this happy. He must do something good. Spare me the details.'  
Remus burst out in laughter, causing a few people to look surprised at the usually so calm man.  
'Thanks Lils.' He said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a short hug. 'But before you go all approving of him, you might want to unwrap this.' He handed her the wrapped gift leaning against the couch ever since he sat down.  
'Oh boy. And I just asked him to stay for the night with the order meeting being tomorrow at all.' She joked as she unwrapped the gift and Remus saw her face turn into something between laughter and horror. 'This is not good. Is this..?'  
'A BROOM!' A voice boasted so close to their ears they spilled wine all over themselves, the couch and the floor. 'Woops. Sorry for that.' The voice said and a wand appeared between the two of them, cleaning up the mess before snatching the broom from Lily's hand. Both of them turned around to find James with a cheery toddler with his hair on his arm.  
'You see that Harry? Your first broom! Let's go to the kitchen and try that, shall we? Lily, get the camera!' And he ran off shouting toward the other missing person that was now leaning against the post of the kitchendoor. 'Sirius, you magnificent bastard!' And they disappeared into the kitchen with Harry and the Prewett brothers, who were never far behind if brooms and mischief were involved.

'It's always a wonderful moment when they get their first broom, isn't it.' Lily said but the smile left her face as she saw the look on Remus' face. The look that expressed what he had felt ever since he woke up and most of the past year, even if it was just in the back of his mind.

'Have you told him yet?'  
'No.'  
'Remus..'  
'I know. You'd say a year is long enough to figure out what to do when it comes to this. But I just don't know what to say.'  
'To him or to her?'  
'Both?'  
'It'll be fine, Remus. I'm sure..'  
Whatever she wanted to say got cut short by and exasperated shout from the kitchen.  
'LILY! Where's the camera! He's doing it! He's actually doing it! He's a natural!'

Lily squeezed Remus' hand once again and apologized, promising they'd talk about it later before snatching the camera from a table nearby and running towards whatever it was that was happening.  
They left Remus on his own for a few minutes as he sipped the remainder of his wine. He wondered if his face was so stormy no one dared to come closer as he remained the only person on the couch for quite some time until it dented with someone's weight and he looked sideways to find familiar greys eyes twinkle at him.

Sirius sat down on the couch next to him and Remus thanked him for the lack of obvious intimacy. Not that he wanted to hide what they had. But it was odd to be intimate with a man around people you met while married to a woman they all knew damn well for so long.  
'Thanks.' Remus whispered.  
'No problem.' Sirius said, knowing what Remus meant. 'Harry is a brilliant flyer.'  
'I suspected something like that.' Remus said, referring to the enthusiastic shouts minutes earlier.  
'Lily offered we stay the night with the order meeting being tomorrow and all.'  
'That is probably a god plan.'  
Remus felt his stomach twist and that had nothing to do with Sirius leaning closer. He had to tell him. Lily was right. But this was hardly the place. He had no idea what Sirius' response would be and he was very much against the breaking-up dinner scenes the movies seemed to be so fond of. Sirius' whispering voice distracted him from his frustrations though. 'I'm all for keeping intimacy for the bedroom. After all, I'm quite acquainted with your talented tongue.'  
Remus felt a pink tinge spread across his cheeks he heard S describe as adorable on several occasions.  
'Now, if you'll excuse me, my love. I have people to entertain. Tonight I'll be all yours. Promise.' And as he stood up he very obviously not accidentally brushed past Remus' crotch.

He knew Sirius knew damn well something was bothering Remus. He wasn't oblivious and Remus new that. But Remus was grateful the boy, or was he a man by now, knew pushing was no use.  
In fact, Sirius turned out to be a lot more mature than Remus had feared he would be. Perhaps it was of what they had been through together or how Sirius had always been tormented by his own family. Either way, even though the boy could be spoiled and arrogant some time, overall he was clever, funny and mature enough to make Remus worry about him a little less every time Dumbledore decided to send Sirius out for an order assignment.

On the other hand, Sirius had proven Remus that despite his age, condition or serious disposition he thought had stuck to him after his divorce, he could actually still act careless and have fun about ridiculous things if someone just dragged him along. He remembered how Sirius had convinced him building a hut underneath the kitchen table was a good idea. He hesitated for a moment but gave in and boy, had he had fun! They even had dinner there. It was those little things that convinced him time and time again he made the right choice.  
It had been one year, just the one. But Remus had enjoyed it more than the ten years of his marriage altogether. It was unfortunate they got to see each other so little. And it wasn't getting easier. Being away on a mission so often, cold and hungry and drowning in your own misery it was easy to forget you had someone who loved you. He would usually end up relieving his divorce over and over again. And, worst of all, every day that passed was one more day without Teddy.

There was the heavy feeling in his stomach again that had been teasing him the past year in the moment he least wanted it to. His marriage had not been perfect but he tried all he could to be a good father. He praised him when Teddy came home with good grades or a nice drawing. He read him bedtime stories, hugged him and took him out for icecream. As much as he feared the kid when Dora was pregnant, he loved him growing up. It was as if he was the best friend Remus ever had. Someone that could love him unconditionally. Sure. Sirius did that. But Teddy..

God. He missed the kid. It had hurt him so much when Lily had showed him the letter. Dora had gone into hiding shortly after the attack on Remus' house and she had taken Teddy with him. Without telling Remus. Sure, she had every reason to hate him. But he was his father! He could feel a clump in his throat that he tried to swallow away. He looked up to find Sirius at the other side of the room, arm slung casually around James' shoulders as they drank a beer and laughed with one of the Prewett brothers. Gideon, he guessed. Sirius looked back at him, smiled his wicked smile and winked. Remus smiled back but his heart grew even heavier. How was he ever going to tell him about the letter he received last week? 


	3. Chapter 3

**Wondering what has been bothering Remus Lupin lately? Allow him to explain.  
It's really, really hard to restart a story! I'm so used to being in full action with the previous one that this one sounds so soft and lame right now..  
Won't be for long, sure. But it's weird!**

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Remus was playing with his food absentmindedly. How could he eat with the clock on the wall ticking away the minutes until that dreaded moment? Perhaps if he would never fall asleep, tomorrow would never come either. That annoying clock made his stomach twist more with every tick. He _had_ to talk to Sirius tonight. He had to. It would be unfair to just let him figure it out for himself.

The one thing that calmed his nerves a bit was the entertainment in the shape of the Prewett Brothers. He was to leave on a mission with them the next night, after the order. So they stayed the night, too, to give the three of them the entire next day to plan their mission. Or at least most of it.

They weren't what made it awkward though. As said before, if anyone could make a dreaded situation light, it was them. No. It was the nervous glances James shot Lily what made it awkward. The angry frowns Lily shot him back, too.  
'What's wrong, Jamesieboy? Gideon asked, flicking a pea into his black hair.  
'Yeah, why the scared looks? Afraid of the misses? I'd be, if she glared at me like that!' Fabian added.  
'Oh, shut up!' James spluttered, throwing a hand of peas at the twins in return.  
'I do not!' Lily protested, trying to stop Harry from following his father's example.

It went on like that for a while. Remus knew why James was so nervous, of course. The same reason Lily was. And he, himself. What worried Remus the most though, was Sirius. He did not participate in the pea-flicking competition as he thought his lover would. He just let the frown, glares and jokes slide past him as if nothing happened. But every now and then when, Remus guessed, Sirius thought no one was looking, his casual smile turned into a thin, frustrated line. As if he knew, too. But how could be? Remus was convinced Lily didn't tell and James wouldn't dare too. Surely the Prewetts wouldn't know. Unless.. Were they somehow related to..? A voice and a pea against his forehead brought him back into the world of the living. Harry had escaped his mother's grasp and managed to launch _one_ pea.

'How about you, mister? Probably not looking forward to tomorrow?' Fabian asked, taking the oppurtunity. The following chain of events made both twins raise their eyebrows. It wasn't necessarily a chain, though. It more or less happened at the same time. James and Lily stopped bickering and stared at the twins in icy silence. Sirius knocked over his glass, excusing himself and disappearing in the kitchen to find something to clean it up and Remus put the cherry on top with his response.  
'Don't know what you're talking about.' He said. Too fast and it was clearly not the right answer.

'Well, that is a first. And here I was thinking _you_ were always the one best prepared for a mission.' Fabian said, doubting whether he would add something about the weird responses. Remus was glad he decided not to.  
'Yeah.' Gideon added. 'You _did_ know we are leaving tomorrow night, right?'  
Remus could kick himself. Of course that was what they were talking about. The mission. Fuck.  
'Right sorry.' Remus wondered if he could blame the wine and decided to give it a shot. He raised his glass with an excusing look before downing the rest in one large gulp. 'Last one of the night, promised.'  
'It better be! Going on a mission with a hangover is not a good thing. Trust me, I know.' And Gideon started telling everyone about that one time he had to collect nose-biting teacups while being hungover and how horrible that had been. Everyone listened and laughed, perhaps a bit too obvious. They joked a little about Sirius surely having no hangover as he returned to clean up his spilled beer and while Sirius smiled, Remus knew it wasn't a true smile. His signature was nowhere to be found. Remus wondered why he never noticed before. If he should've. But as little as they saw each other, keeping up pretences had probably been as easy for Sirius as it had been for Remus. Crying when you are alone is just so much easier.. But now he noticed a darkness in Sirius' eyes he should've noticed before. It wasn't an overnight color. There was something burning in them, fighting to come out What he noticed too was that Sirius avoided his guessing gaze the rest of the night.

.*.*.

It was the sign that Sirius didn't start undressing as soon as they entered the bedroom that something was indeed wrong. Instead, he kicked of his shoes, sat down on the bed cross-legged and nodded his head to make Remus do the same. Remus did, glad that at least Sirius didn't avoid spending the night together. Not that he made out how to start the conversation yet.

Nor did he have to. It was Sirius that started it and not with a question he anticipated. Yet it was one of the things that had been lingering in that deep, dark pool his stomach seemed to have turned into.  
Sirius had a hard time keeping his usual smile as his lips pursed and his fingers plucked the blanket viciously. He was clearly keeping himself together to say something neither of them wanted to hear. Then, those beautiful lips parted and said those dreaded words.

'Are we breaking up?'

Remus felt a heat soaring through his body he never felt before. It was burning in his temples, yet his stomach felt like ice. His eyes stung, as if he could start crying with every word he was going to say. He wasn't sure what it was but it was a horrible feeling and he wanted it to stop. Right now.

He knew where it came from, though. It was a feeling that had been slowly increasing for the past year. Because of course he knew this day, or tomorrow actually, would come and that there would be some explaining to do. But he had glad fully postponed that moment as hard and often as he could. Unfortunately that didn't make tomorrow go away and the time of honesty was now.

'I don't know.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Well. NeonDomino was **_**very**_** convincing that I couldn't break them up. Oh well. Perhaps just not **_**yet**_**. Just read, alright? ;-) There's finally some flow and answers getting into the story. That should surely making updating a lot easier!**

**Got no less than 5 favs and 11 followers so far and it's just chapter 4! Thank you guys sooo much!**

**Just a little heads up: English is not my first language. Grammatical errors do occur. Errors like to&amp;too, accept&amp; expect and stuff is just me being hasty. I damn well know the difference :P Feel free to correct me though!**

'I don't know? I don't want to.. But I don't know. I'm scared, Sirius.' It took him quite some trouble to force those words out of his mouth. It wasn't as if he had a reputation to uphold. He was commonly known as a kind and sensitive man. But he never liked to admit he was scared. Now he was. More than he had ever done. Perhaps because never before had he had so much to lose. Whichever way it went. Plus deep down his guts he had a feeling something would go terribly wrong once he said those words. As if he would set of a future that otherwise wouldn't have come. Something had to go wrong.

It didn't, though. The ceiling didn't come down, Sirius didn't explode in bloody bits and the world didn't stop turning. At least not as far as he noticed. And so it seemed as if something got uncorked inside of him and a stream of words floated out like a desperate river.

'You are going to see me being a dad. I can't even start to describe how nervous that makes me. I know how the be a father and a shitty husband. Not how to be a father and a good lover. What if the Remus Lupin that is a father, isn't the Remus Lupin you want to share your bed with? I mean, I'll be turning forty soon. You are twenty-too. Is this really what you want? Spend your life with an old guy who has a kid and a bitter ex-wife whom he never was able to please? What if she won't understand, what if she takes Teddy away from me for good?' Remus rambled about but with that last sentence he hit exactly what had been bothering him for the better part of last year and the air around them turned stone cold.

That was it, wasn't it? From the moment he fell in love with Sirius some part of him kept telling him he couldn't win. He couldn't have both. That some point in the future the moment would come he had to choose between Sirius and Teddy. Oh, how he tried to ignore that little voice. It was easy when Sirius was in his arms. Kissing him. Telling him jokes or something stupid he did, somewhere in the past. Everything was so perfect then. But when he was alone, on a mission or not yet asleep, those thoughts would come creeping up again. He was fucking terrified. And not just of that.

What if Sirius would suddenly realize how old he really was when Teddy would show up. Teddy, his lover's son which whom he differed less in age than with his lover. And Teddy would show up. That was.. What he had to say. He swallowed.  
'I've been trying to find a way to tell you this..'  
'Dora will come back tomorrow. And she's bringing Teddy with her.' Sirius finished his sentence, playing with the blanket and not looking at him. 'I know.' 

'You know?'  
'Yes. I feel things. I hear things. This has been bothering you for a long time. I'm not stupid, you know. I know you.'  
'I know.' Remus said, wanting to say so much more but his words and his mouth failed him.  
'I guess I knew we would reach this point sometime.' Sirius continued. 'But we've been spending so little time together.. I guess I was just postponing until there was no denying this could happen. A part of me hoped it would just go away if I wouldn't acknowledge it.'

Remus felt the twist in his stomach tighten.  
'I'm so sorry. I should've told you. There was a part of me, too, that hoped it would just go away. But it was selfish of me to think you wouldn't notice or be bothered by this. I should've told you.'  
'It's okay. It's as much as my fault as it is yours. I'm just not that much of a talker. I guess I was afraid, too.'  
'Of what?' Remus wondered if he should reach out and hold Sirius' hand that was still plucking the blankets, but somehow intimacy didn't seem like the right thing to do right now. Not when there was so much uncertainty in the air.

'Of her. Her power?' Sirius shifted on the bed uncomfortably. 'You once told me you were willing to fight your friends form me, but you weren't sure you would choose me over them. Which was okay. Of course I didn't want to lose you, but I just met you. Stakes are so much higher now. We've been together for a year, yes. That should give me some advantages in several situations. But this is your ex-wife we're talking about. The mother of your child she has custody over because the ministry of magic is being a little bitch about your lycanthropy. What if she, as you said, won't understand? Want if she made you choose between Teddy and me? Could you choose me?'  
**  
**Remus knew the silence that came from him was the same kind that had cost him his marriage. It held the same kind of realisation too. He hadn´t given Sirius the credit he deserved. That was selfish of him. It had been bothering him as much as it had bothered Remus and he hadn´t taken the time to think about that. He was too consumed in feeling bad for himself. He was a selfish lover. But Sirius was right. He couldn´t tell. No matter how much he loved Sirius and how much he enjoyed having someone loving him every single second of the past year, this was a though choice. Teddy was his own flesh and blood. Sure, he was born in a marriage doomed to fail. But that kid was what had kept him standing those last eight years. And missing him the past year had broken his heart a little more every single day.

´I don't know.´ He whispered as he, too, starting plucking the blanket. ´No matter how much I want to say that I would choose you above anything else, I can´t. He´s my son.´  
´I understand, you know.´ Sirius said with a voice that made Remus look up into understanding eyes. In all the imaginary conversations he held with Sirius, this would be the point where he stormed off angry, insulted Remus wasn´t willing to give him his all.  
´Really?'  
'Of course. I knew this moment would come. A kid needs a good dad, Remus. Someone that loves him. They turn out better that way.'  
Remus could hear the unspoken words in that last sentence and once again he cursed himself for the lack of praise he had given Sirius.  
'I wouldn't want you any other way.' He said, answering that unspoken sentence.  
'And you would never treat Teddy my father treated me. But you could save him a lot of pain by being there for him. There were times I tried to fight for my dad's attention against my better judgement. That made me feel miserable. Don't do that to him.'  
'I won't.' Remus promised, surprised that Sirius decided this was the right time to touch him. It was nothing more than a short tap on his hand, but it was something.

'I guess it is needless to say I would prefer you'd find a way that includes me.'  
'I prefer that too.'

'So.. I guess we aren't breaking up tonight after all?'  
Remus tried to answer but all of a sudden he got overwhelmed by all the emotions that he had been keeping in and shook his head before reaching out and pulling Sirius in his lap. As Sirius rested his head on his shoulder and wrapped his arms around Remus' waist, Remus started crying. Soft, sure. But he cried nevertheless.

How could he have been so blind. Was he so completely ruined by his marriage that he could no longer confide in someone he loved? Of course he was willing to fight for Sirius. Those curls he loved to bury his nose in so much. That musky, manly smell that always surrounded. And that body. That gorgeous, slightly muscled but slim body that felt _so_ good pressed against his. Of course he'd fight for that. He closed his eyes as he saw Teddy's face and a vague vision of Teddy, sitting on Sirius' lap and imitating his black curls appeared. Was that a sign? He decided it was. No matter who would tell him he couldn't have both (though, honestly, he was the only one who told him that himself), he would fight to get that. To be happy. Because he fucking damn well deserved that.

'Remus?' Sirius mumbled in his neck.  
'Hmm?' Remus answered, realizing he wasn't crying anymore.  
'Did you know men start getting gorgeous _after_ forty?'  
Remus snorted and he could feel Sirius' lips form a smile against his skin.  
'Imagine what that makes _me_ by that time. Surely you don't want to miss that.' Sirius added and Remus rolled his eyes.

'You are unbelievable sometimes, you now that?' Remus mumbled in the curls that were now starting to tickle his nose.  
'I know. That much brains, beauty _and _wit? It should be illegal. Now. Why don't you undress me and give me something good to remember before I have to stop touching you in public all together.'  
'We _can_ shake hands.' Remus argued but Sirius clasped a hand over his mouth to make him stop talking.  
'Shut up and touch me.' That time it wasn't a joke. Sirius' face was dead serious as he sat up and grabbed the collar of Remus' shirt, pressing their lips together as if this was their last day on earth. Remus gladly obliged, knowing that Sirius could be right. This could be the last time. Who knew what tomorrow could bring. But tonight, _he_ could decide what would happen. And he'd make sure Sirius wouldn't soon forget.

**So. I kept you guys from a steaming scene the previous Atticted story. How about I give you one now? Hmm?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Come on peeps, give me the reviews! SO many followers already! :D I love them sooo much and I can't start saying how much they inspire me in further storylines! Any way.. The action is getting serious from now one. So perhaps I should do some serious demanding!**

Oh and yes, because I never gave you their first time (and hell as if they waited an entire year to do that) I give you this little mixed chapter. Sure you'll like it!

Review, and I'll update ;)

'Remember our first time?' Sirius whispered between kisses, his grip still firm on Remus' collar. 'I'll never forget the look on your face when you came.'  
Remus did remember, kissing Sirius back hungry and longingly. It had not been that ago, probably four month, and he could still recall every tumble his stomach made, every flash of heat soaring through his body with every touch Sirius made.

'_Are you sure you want to do this?'  
'Remus. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Now get your ass over here.'  
As Sirius pulled Remus on top of him, the friction of their naked skin touching made him dizzy. He was about to have sex with a man. Not a handjob. Not a blowjob. Actual sex. What if he didn't like it? What if he did something wrong? What if he hurt Sirius? What if-  
'Stop it.' Sirius commanded.  
'What?'  
'Fretting. Get the lube.'  
'The what?'  
Sirius rolled his eyes and blindly grabbed the tube on the nightstand. Remus blushed as his lips formed an understanding _oh_. For a moment insecurity started to take him over again but Sirius gave him a quick peck on the cheek and a mischievous wink.  
'Wizards.' He said as he popped the tube open._

'I didn't know sex could be _that_ good.' Remus breathed as he threw Sirius of his lap and straddled him. 'Then again.' He continued as he bowed down until his mouth was near Sirius' ear and spoke with the low, growling voice he had learned to drive Sirius crazy with lust. 'I didn't know someone could be so _fuckable_ either.'  
Sirius shivered underneath his whisper and Remus softly bit his neck, pleased with the response.  
'I love it when you talk like that.' Sirius gasped and moaned loudly, then closed his eyes and let a hint of breath flutter between his lips as he continued in whisper. 'I love it.'

_'Talk dirty to me?'  
'What?'  
A hand formed around his neck and Sirius pulled him forward until their foreheads touched.  
'Tell me what you want to do to me.'  
Remus could feel his cheeks burn. Never before had he done something like that. What was he supposed to do? What if he said something stupid? But Sirius had told him to stop fretting. And so, after a short moment of hesitation and reflection, he uttered his first words of dirty talk.  
'I.. I want to feel you against mine.'  
'Is that all?'  
'I want to.. to kiss you.'  
'And?'  
'I want to taste you.'  
'Where?'  
'You know exactly where.' Remus answered, a little annoyed that Sirius was trying to push to do this. His grasped Sirius' wrists and pinned them above his head at the exact same moment he realised how raw and aroused his voice had been. And this.. Was he actually being dominant? He.. he liked this.  
'Do it.' Sirius whispered as his grey eyes bore into Remus' soul. 'Taste me.' And as if it was the only logical thing to do, he started kissing a trail down Sirius' stomach, before taking the throbbing head in his mouth, this time so much more determined. It had made Sirius groan and wriggle and clutch the blanket in ways that Remus hadn't seen before. Since then, dirty talk was definitely his thing._

'This has been too long.' Remus growled as positioned himself between Sirius' legs and grabbed his hips to pull him closer. Though both still fully dressed, Remus pressed his cottonclad crotch against Sirius' ass. Sirius moaned.  
'We've had scandalous little sex.' He complained. 'We should be all over each other all the time.'

'This has been too long.' Remus growled and Sirius moaned.  
'I know. We have had scandalous little sex for a one-year relationship. We should be all over each other all the time.' Sirius arched his back a bit to emphasise his longing for a touch.  
'We will once this fucking war is over.' Remus mumbled as he now grabbed Sirius' arms and pulled him back on his lap, this time higher and in a better position to cause friction.  
Sirius started unbuttoning Remus' shirt with a fire in his stormy eyes. Remus wondered if that was his own amber eyes reflecting in the grey. Either way he was pleased how easy it was to extract such eagerness from his your lover.  
'Is that a promise?' Sirius panted.  
'Gods yes.'

His now unbuttoned shirt slid down his shoulders and Sirius leaned in to softly kiss his neck and collarbone. One finger softly traced on of the bigger scars on his chest, something that no longer bothered him. Every time Sirius undressed him (mind you, that had been more often than the fucking thing) he got less aware of the existence of his scars and more of the fingers touching him, the eyes admiring him. A pleasure he gladly returned as he pulled Sirius' shirt over his head, the shoulders bouncing back on his pale shoulders, softly grazing the prominent collarbones.

'I am going to fuck you.' Remus breathed as he placed a hand on Sirius' chest and gave him a firm push. Sirius landed in the thick blankets with a broad smile, his hands reaching out for Remus. But Remus took this moment to take in the sight of his lover lying in the blankets, so willing to give himself. They had been together a year. A year. And still there were times Remus could not believe someone could be this beautiful. Not just that. But that someone that beautiful was _his._ He stroked his fingers teasingly over the flat chest. Over Sirius' toned stomach. Remus decided Auror training was doing him well as he parted Sirius' legs a little more and let his fingers follow the subtle muscled lines of his inner thighs.  
Sirius shivered under his touched and his cock twitched. He grabbed Remus' hands and pulled, causing Remus to land on top of him. Luckily no essential body parts were crushed.  
'I thought there was some promise of fucking.'  
Remus grinned.  
'Impatient.'  
'Fuck yes.'  
He unbuttoned Sirius' jeans and started to peel them off.  
'You have to stop wearing such ridiculously tight jeans.'  
'You love me in ridiculously tight jeans.' Sirius said.  
'God. Yes. I do.'  
Remus decided he no longer wanted to wait for the tight heat and grabbed blindly for his wand. They had quickly discarded the messy lube for a magical version. Cleaner, quicker and working just as good.

'_Fuck.' Sirius' breath hitched as he arched his back to compensate the stinging stretch. 'You are big.'  
Remus didn't respond. He just leaned on his elbows, frozen with eyes shut, breathing hot and heavy in Sirius' neck.  
'It's okay, you can move.' Sirius encouraged him but Remus shook his head.  
'No. No I can't.'  
He was so close. His stomach clenching, ready to come. He didn't want this to be over before it started. Sirius chuckled and slowly tightened his muscles around him.  
'Sirius..' Remus warned but Sirius just placed his hand in Remus' neck and pulled him closer for a firm kiss. Then he looked Remus in the eyes with the naughty, lust filled look that made his head go crazy.  
'Move.' He demanded.  
And so he did.. _

Remus' finger teased Sirius' crease and he smiled satisfied as his lover clenched when he touched him _there. _His own cock was now violently pressing against his trousers but he decided he could get rid of them later._  
_'Please do it. Please.' Sirius begged, canting his hips and leaning into Remus' movement.  
'Do what.' Remus said as he, in one move, slid his entire finger in Sirius. 'This?'  
'Yes!' Sirius cried out and repeated it once more as Remus slowly began to fuck him with his finger. Soon he added a second, causing Sirius to arch his back. He leaned on his arms and started to move in rhythm with Remus.  
Remus let his other hand wander around Sirius' hips and side before settling and taking a firm hold of the velvet shaft of his cock. He wasn't jerking Sirius off. At least not very active. He just slowly stroked it. Teased him, if you will. Whatever you would call it, it gave the wanted effect.  
'Fuck, Remus! Fuck me!'  
'Are you sure?' Remus leaned forward to nuzzle his lover's neck as he simultaneously pushed another finger inside that insane tight heat. 'Do you not want to kiss and cuddle some more?'  
'No! I mean.. yes. No! No! Fuck me, please.'

Oh, how he loved for Sirius to beg for it. Yes, it was still a bit weird and yes, every now and then he would fall out of his dominant position and feel ashamed of how he made someone beg for it like that. But it would never take long. Not with his own member so hard it was starting to hurt. And definitely not when something caught his eye.

'Is it too early to try something else'  
'Anything. As long as you fuck me. What's keeping you?'  
Remus bit his lip as his gaze slowly diverted to a small desk in the corner of the room. Sirius followed his glare.  
'Oh.' Sirius gasped. 'Oh yes. Yes. Please.'  
Remus pulled his fingers out and ignored Sirius' complaining moan for the loss. He slid of the bed, pulling Sirius with him in his way. It was a short walk but it left Remus some more time to fret. Something he was still good at and would probably always be. He wondered whether Sirius expected him to push him down on it. Whether he wanted Sirius on his back or on his stomach..  
But it was unnecessary. As soon as they reached the table Sirius turned around quickly, gave Remus a firm kiss and looked him straight in the eye.  
'Make me wait another second and you'll regret it.' He promised Remus as he turned around and leaned his elbows as far on the table as he could, spreading his legs and arching his back. That last action gave Remus a perfect view on that firm, tight ass and he knew he would regret it himself too if he waited any longer.

With shaking hands, not making the task any easier, he unbuttoned his thin cotton trousers. In one impatient move he hooked fingers beneath the band of his boxers and pulled both down in one move. He let out a shaky gasp as his cock sprang free and he hastily tried to kick aside his discarded clothes.  
He rested one hand on Sirius' hip, fingers sprawled over his gently showing hipbone. His other hand formed around his shaft and guided it to Sirius' entrance. Sirius, in his turn, spread his legs a bit more, giving Remus every room he needed.

In one, perhaps slightly too rough move, he pushed himself inside and didn't stop until he was balls deep in. Sirius gasped, nails scratching the table and his muscles clenched around Remus' cock, causing even more tightness. Remus blindly moved his other hand to Sirius' hip as well as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He hoped he would never get used to this. That it would always feel this amazing.  
'Alright?' He breathed.  
'Yes.' Sirius whispered.  
Remus took that as his cue to move. He started with a slow rhythm but it didn't take long for that to turn into long, hard thrusts that made Sirius moan in pleasure. He saw how Sirius' fingers searched for something to hold on to, but nothing was in sight to hold on to. Remus travelled his hands from Sirius' hips past his sides and up Sirius' arms and laced their fingers. Sirius squeezed them immediately, harder and harder as Remus upped his speed.

Feeling the end near he slowly bowed his knees a bit to change his angle as he pulled out and pushed back hard, hitting that spot that did things to Sirius he loved. And it did. Sirius threw his head back, letting out a gasp. Remus did it again and this time Sirius shouted. Remus was glad about the silencing spell and apparently Sirius was too.  
'Oh fuck, Remus. Fuck. Harder! Please.'  
Remus gladly obliged, now pounding into Sirius with all the force he had. One of his hands let go of Sirius' and slid underneath the table where there had been just enough room for Sirius' cock. He started pumping it as Sirius begged and moaned harder with every thrust.  
After about two dozen of firm strokes Remus felt thick streams of hot liquid cover his hands, as Sirius pumped himself ready in Remus' hand now in rhythm with Remus, meeting him with every thrust.  
It took Remus only have a dozen more of those to come himself with a restrained groan in the back of his throat and three more hare thrusts. He released his other hand from Sirius' and leaned on the table to catch his breath.

Sirius let out one last growl as Remus pulled back and took Sirius' hands, both stumbling to the bed with shaky legs from their orgasms. Remus collapsed on the fluffy blankets, Sirius half on top of him, head on his chest.  
'That was _so_ good.' Sirius yawned. 'I'm going to start a new faith and I'll call it Lupinanity. And only I can join because you have to have a current sexlife with Remus John Lupin to be a part of it. And I'll never let you have sex with anyone else.'  
'Wasn't planning to, love.' Remus said as he rested his hand randomly on the arm on his chest. Elbow.

_What Remus never told Sirius, because it didn't seem like the right thing to do, was that a few hours after this spontaneous and gorgeous afternoon, Remus had unwillingly recalled his previous sex life. He had no idea whether it was appropriate to think about stuff like that after your first time with a lover. Then again, all he thought was to Sirius' advance, so he couldn't complain about that. His first thought was that he could never go back to having sex with women. The second he could never go back to having sex with anyone but Sirius.  
Sex with Dora had been dutiful. It had never been passionate. Not even the first time. It felt good, in a certain way. But it wasn't satisfying. It was nothing more than pumping because he had to.  
With Sirius.. How Sirius arched underneath him, gasped at the right moments and pulled him closer to him with whatever limb was closest at that point.. _that _was what sex was supposed to be._

An arm wrapping itself around his stomach, still sticky with cooled sweat awoke him.  
'Stop thinking.'  
'Sorry.' Remus mumbled. He wondered if Sirius had guessed what he was thinking about. They laid like that for a little while until their hearts got back to their usual rates before Sirius crawled out of bed, demanding Remus to stay put while he made them some coffee.

'Remus?'  
'Yes?'  
'Stop worrying.'  
'I'll try.'  
'Do or do not, there is no try.'  
'Did you just quote Star Wars? You are turning into a right muggle.'  
'I know, right? Either way. Don't worry. We've got a track record of surviving some messed up shit together. We'll get through this.'  
'I know. I'm just..'  
'Still scared. I understand. We'll get through it. On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking about getting my driver's license.'  
Remus raised his eyebrows at the sudden change of subject Sirius made.  
'Your _driver's license?'  
_'Yes! You've got them. I want them too. I want to look just as hot as you do when you steer that huge, un-magical vehicle.'  
'That's hot?'  
'You have _no _idea. Plus. We could go on road trips. And I could give you blowjobs in the back of my car.'  
'Who wouldn't want _that._' Remus said, the slightly sarcastic tone not going unnoticed by Sirius.  
'Fine. You can give _me_ blowjobs in the back of my car. Now, close your eyes and go to sleep. There's a big day ahead of us tomorrow.'  
Remus felt a hand stroke his hair and turned his head to find looking at him with sad eyes.  
'Will you go on road trips with me, then?'  
'I'll follow you anywhere.' Remus whispered. Why did it feel so much as a goodbye?  
'Sweet dreams, love.'

And though Remus fell asleep almost immediately, the dreams were anything but sweet. The same carousel of memories rushed by. But this time there was no voice waking him when Sirius came in view, tight to a chair with a cut on his cheek. There was a new visualisation. There was a dark room in a house, old and extravagant. A vision appeared of himself, jumping in front of Dora as a jet of red light hit him in the chest. The last he saw before shouting himself awake was his own frame falling to the floor with empty eyes.

**So.. Little personal stuff in there haha. I love men driving cars, it has something powerful and protecting.. And picturing Remus driving a car, prr!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Another chapter! Sorry it took me so long to update. Work, work, work. Thanks for the reviews everyone! They make my day!**

'Remus? Remus, please wake-up?'  
This time there was no need for shouting. Remus opened his eyes and found Sirius leaning over him, one hand softly shaking his arm. No blood and no broken noses.  
'God.' Remus mumbled as he rubbed his tired eyes.  
'Are you alright? You are crying..' Sirius mumbled and Remus wiped a cheek, surprised to find tears indeed.  
'I'm sorry.' He mumbled. Not sure why.'  
'Was it that dream again?'  
'Sort of.'  
'Did I die?'  
'No.'  
'Then why were you crying?'  
Remus didn't answer straight away. He didn't know why. Why wouldn't he tell what he dreamed?  
'There was.. I don't want to talk about it?'  
'That bad, huh.'  
'Yeah.'

He was still grateful for that moment a year ago they agreed having secrets was fine, as long as it wouldn't stand between them. And a simple dream wouldn't. Right? As far as he was concerned, he wasn't psychic. Nor had anyone in his family ever had symptoms. Yes, symptoms. 'Cause frankly Remus John Lupin was too sober to believe in superstitious stuff like that. So. Breakfast.

#*#

If dinner had been awkward last night, breakfast was worse. Remus was forever grateful that Sirius had the decency to just be quiet and eat, as well as the twins. But James and Lily.. You'd think it was them having to face their ex-wife. Now that Remus had finally come to terms with the whole situation. Sirius was right. He had to be the bigger man here. He was a father after all and he shouldn't let his kid suffer because of his.. issues. But James and Lily. Gods be damned.

'Remus, have something to eat.'  
'Here, have another drink.'  
'What would you like? Toast? A sandwich?'  
'Orange juice, tea?'  
'Would you like me to make you something?'

It was getting on Remus' nerves. He was nervous enough without them being all over him. Besides that, he was a grown man. Surely he could handle this himself. And surely it was just because they loved him so much. But Gods be good. He couldn't stand their fussing much longer.

How late are Dora and Teddy arriving?' He asked, trying to sound casually. He couldn't hide the slight hesitation as he said both their names, though.  
'Oh, don't worry about that.'  
'I'd really like to know.'  
'We'll talk about that after breakfast. Come on, have some juice.  
'Guys..'  
'Yeah. Here. I'll make you a sandwich.'  
'Full glass?'  
'Peanutbutter?'

"Would you guys stop it!' It was definitely louder than Remus had meant to shout, but it had the wished for effect. Lily quickly put the glass of orange juice on the table and James stopped making the peanut-butter jelly sandwich mid-air. That alone was proof he was as nervous as Remus was. Even the nextdoor-neighbour's cousin twice removed's ex-wife's sister knew Remus loathed peanutbutter. Though, now he thought of it, the nextdoor-neighbour's cousin twice removed's ex-wife's sister was Alice Longbottom, so that was a bit of a moot point.

He grabbed a croissant from a plate and took an angry bite from it, leaving everyone to finish their breakfast in silence. Lily and James exchanged nervous glances. Not even Fabian or Gideon dared to crack another joke. Both of them new a werewolf on edge was not to be messed with. Even if that werewolf was the kind, loving Remus Lupin.

It was Sirius' response that hurt him the most, though. His lover's mouth was nothing more than a thin, bitter line. Remus could guess why. Everyone was fussing over Remus to the max. But no one, including Remus up until last night, seemed to think of how this would affect Sirius. Perhaps it was of his seeming strength. Sirius had been through so much with his family and yet he was always smiling and joking. But there was more to him than that.  
That Lily wouldn't pick up on it, alright. She could be the most perceptive of the group but seeing how she loved Remus a lot more than she loved Sirius, that was still a bit of a sensitive point. But James. Surely James should know better.

Remus carefully reached his hand under the table and searched for Sirius'. Sirius squeezed. Back, perhaps a little harder than supposed to.

'Forty-five minutes.' He said and Remus frowned, confused.  
'What?'  
'They'll be here in forty-five minutes. So if everyone stops making such a big deal of this, thank you _very_ much.' Sirius said, quickly downing his glass of orange juice and excusing himself from the table. _Oh._ A few seconds later they heard the shower turn on and the icy silence return.  
Remus was determined not to let the rest of breakfast be as awkward as it had been up to know. He'd talk to Sirius later.  
'So. If you guys would relax now? We all know this is going to be as awkward as fuck, but there's nothing we can do about it. And James, you daft sod. I hate peanut butter and you know it.'  
Where Remus got that magical cheeriness from he didn't know, perhaps Sirius was finally starting to rub off on him, but it worked. Everybody relaxed and James gave himself a slap on the head as he happily started eating the sandwich himself.

#*#

After dinner Remus had retreated to his bedroom in the Order again. He knew he should've apologized for his spat earlier, but found he just couldn't. He would, later, when all this was over. But right now there was too much tension and stress to be nice to everyone. As convinced as he had been earlier that his talk with Sirius had made everything so much easier, Sirius walking away angrily had not made it better. As soon as he closed the door behind him all the fear surged through his body as it had the night before.

Remus sank down on the bed, head buried in his hands, pressing against his skull as if that would make the stress go away. Why was this so disturbing? He was married to the woman for 10 years. He saw her nearly every day for ten years. She was still the same person, apart from not being his wife anymore. It wasn't as if she had turned into a vixen. Not literally at least.. She used to be a sweet woman.. Clumsy and feisty but very sweet and caring. That hadn't gone away because of him, had it?

Why was this so hard? Why? He was Remus Lupin, for fuck's sake. A man of logic and sense. Sure, he was a werewolf and that fucked up his life. But apart from that he liked to think of himself as a calm, reasonable man. Now it seemed he was just outing his frustration on everyone that cared for him.

There was a knock on the door. He didn't answer but it opened nevertheless.  
'Remus.' A voice asked. Sirius.  
'Come in.' Remus mumbled, his voice hoarse with frustration. The bed dented as Sirius sat down next to him but didn't touch him. Remus could feel his hesitation.

´Are you not happy to see Teddy again?'  
'I am. But what if he does not want to see me?'  
'Of course he wants to. You're his dad.'  
'Fuck, Sirius. I missed him so much. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do with myself! Whether I should sit or walk or read a book or. Fuck!' Remus jumped up and started frantically walking around the room.  
´What if she turned him against me? What if she made up some reason I didn't come visit the entire year as revenge for the divorce?'  
'Didn't _she_ opt the divorce?'  
Remus stopped his frantic pacing, waved his hands in the air as if he wanted to say_ does it matter?_ and continued his pacing.  
'How must I greet her? I can't kiss her. Hug her? Surely she doesn't want to touch me. Shake a hand? That's so un-personal. What if-'  
'Remus, calm down!'  
Sirius grabbed Remus by his arm. Surprised by the unexpected force Remus tumbled down on the bed. Only his elbows kept him from falling down completely and his eyes widened as Sirius bowed over him, one very accusing finger pointing in his direction.

'You listen to me! No matter how you feel or think about this situation, it's going to happen. And yes, it will be incredibly awkward to see Dora. Not just for you. I'm scared shitless as well. But that's not even the biggest point! Teddy will be here. A son that had to miss his dad for a year. He doesn't need a father that frets and is scared about how things will be. He needs a dad that secures him he is still loved after a year of absence! A dad that will always be there for him and make the best of every situation, just so Teddy can feel save and loved!'  
Remus was dumbstruck by this outburst of rage.

'Sirius? Please tell me what's bothering you. It´s not just the dad-stuff, is it?' He said and Sirius shrugged, damp curls surrounding his head.  
´I don´t like that everyone seems to forget this affects me as well.´ He muttered, not looking at Remus as if he was ashamed of admitting his worries. But it was Remus that felt ashamed.  
´I keep forgetting how affects you, too. Don´t I.´  
´That´s alright. You have a lot on your mind. But yeah. I guess it stings a little James doesn´t seem to realise that.´  
´I think he does. But he´s known you for just a year and perhaps he is not ready to see you are a lot more than just an amazingly funny friend.´  
´You see that and you've known me for just a year.´  
´But I´m your lover. I´m supposed to see that.´ He wrapped an arm around Sirius and the latter snuggled closer, burying his nose in the brown cardigan.

'You'd make a great dad.' Remus mumbled. 'You really see what a kid needs.'  
'Yeah well. Keep me around long enough and someday I might be.'  
'You.. you mean you'd like to be a dad for Teddy someday?'  
'Perhaps. Someday when I'm a little less immature.'  
'That was some very mature stuff just now.'  
'Don't get used to it. I'm young and I'll live the part. Now. I have it on good authority they'll be here in less than half an hour.' Sirius looked up and as Remus looked down to greet his gaze he saw a little of the old sparkle back in those hrey orbs. 'Now. Do I need to go through some pregnancy-breathing exercises with you here or are you good to go?'  
'I'm good to go.' Remus sad as he rose from the bed and started walking towards the door.

'Wait.'  
Sirius grabbed his arm again, this time in a more gentle manner. Remus turned around, finding Sirius with a cocked head and sad look on his face.  
'What's wrong?'  
'This could be the last moment we're together.'  
'Dramatic? I'm not going to give up on you that easily. Have a little faith.'  
'No. I mean.. before you have to leave again tonight.'  
'Oh.'  
'Yeah.. so..' Sirius shrugged.  
Remus answered as he slowly wrapped an arm around Sirius' waist and pulled him close.

'I can't wait for the day I don't have to say goodbye to you this often.'  
'Neither can I.'  
He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on Sirius' lips, savouring the moment. The way his curls tickled his cheek. The soft lips. The musky smell. Everything. Sirius was doing exactly the same.

Little did they know how much this kiss would mean for them both just a few days later.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it took me so long! I just didn't know how to figure this out. Ugh! Little chapter, I know. But the next is as good as ready to be updated next. I'd like to point out here, as well. I got a few comments on my crooked grammar and words being out of place. English is not my first language and I'm too impatiend to wait for my chapters to be Beta'd before posting it. I hope you'll forgive me ;). **

Remus was sitting at the table, talking over his assignment with Fabian and Gideon. It would be hard not to have all the time he wanted with Sirius before parting, but it was probably for the best. Last year had not been easy and so far it didn't seem as if it would be any time soon.  
They talked about the best place to camp, who should do what (Remus usually did the talking, Fabian and Gideon the head-over-heels not thinking about it too much running into stuff, but it was nice to discuss the possibilities on forehand) and how long it would probably take. They had to procure an artefact from an old ruin in the North of Scotland. Would be easy was it not for the wizard that used to live there.

Truth be told, his mind wasn't with the assignment at all, but that was probably not a surprise. They were sitting upstairs and all he could do was listen whether he heard footsteps. Dora knew how to get here. Apart from that, she was a metamorphmagus. As was Teddy, so a patrol wasn't necessary. She could sneak in whenever she wanted. And apparently, that moment was now.  
He was the first to hear the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Two pairs, one with heels, to his surprise, one light and quick. It came closer and closer. Remus noticed how one by one all the others heard too. Fabian and Gibeon gazed at the door. Lily and James walked towards it. Remus stayed where he was. Sirius sank further into the thick pillows of the couch as if he wanted to disappear. The door handle creaked as the door slowly opened. Remus held his breath. This was it. The first moment since his divorce that he would face his wife again. And his son..

It was weird what the metamorphmagus-stuff did to this moment. Remus expected to be faced with his wife. The woman he lived with for so many years. To see her again, recognize her again. But that wasn't what happened. As the door opened and a woman and a kid walked in, Remus realised they were still in their changed shape and looked nothing like his wife and son. The woman was a lot smaller with white-blonde curls and dark brown eyes. The little boy had the same white hair but sleek and instead fierce green eyes. Somehow it seemed to make it easier. At least for a little while.

Remus, and with him all the other, stared at the pair as the woman put down her suitcase and took off her coat. The boy followed her example and as they placed their coats on a nearby chair, they slowly started changing shape. The little boy, first. The moment he saw Remus he started running and as he came closer and closer his appearance changed. It happened so fast that at the time the boy took a jump and Remus caught him in his arms, it was Teddy again. His kid. His little boy. The heart-shaped face he inherited from his mother but his amber eyes and dark blonde hair.

'Daddy!' The boy cried out as he took a firm hold of his father's neck and allowed to be lifted in the air. He was 9, sure. But this was his dad, come on! And Remus gladly obliged. As he felt that fragile body press against him, all he could do was wrap his arms close around the boy and hug him. He held him like that for a moment before returning his gaze to Dora. She was still the blonde woman, staring at him with her red lips pursed. She looked nothing like the woman he used to be married to, but Remus knew her well enough to recognize it truly was her. The little chewing on her lip. The crossed arms and the fingers of her right hand that were tapping her side impatiently.

Remus put Teddy back on the floor with a _Go great aunt Lily and uncle James! _The boy gladly obliged and Remus returned his gaze to the woman. It was as if time stood still. As if she would never change back. He was scared. Terrified, really. Seeing her slowly change back to the Dora he knew seemed a relaxing idea at first. Now.. Now it wasn't. He couldn't do this. He couldn't. And so he walked straight past her. Right into the hallway, to his bedroom. He slammed the door shut and sat down on the bed. Immediately he regretted his action. But returning right now and apologize felt like an even worse things to do. He didn't want the first thing to happen, the first thing to say to his ex-wife be _sorry_. It wasn't his fault, after all. Or perhaps it was. God damn it. He was a good man. Why did this have to happen to him? He curled up on the bed, pillow over his head. If he could just disappear, right now. That would be wonderful.

Then something inside him stung. He left Sirius behind. Shouldn't he at least go back and apologize to Sirius? But then she'd know. And he wasn't sure whether he was ready for that. Fuck.


	8. Chapter 8

**Last chapter was tiny. I know. It was first a part of this chapter but I thought that would make too many different situations in one chapter and I don't like that ******

**I'm afraid there will be few updates from me this month. I'm participating in NaNoWriMo (Google it, if it doesn't ring a bell) and I fear that might take up most of my time. Hope you'll forgive me!  
**

There was a knock on the door and it opened. Remus flopped on his back, covering his face with a pillow.  
'Please, Sirius. I don't want to talk right now.'  
'No I'm Teddy.' A little voice whispered as the door was closed again. Remus peeked from underneath his pillow to find his son leaning against the door with his hands on his back.  
He turned his head a little as if he was listening if someone followed him. Remus realised Teddy had made his way over here on his own accord and probably did that without Dora's permission. Pride burned in his stomach.  
'Oh. Come here, kid.'

Teddy jumped up on the bed and when he crawled under Remus' arm and leaned in close, Remus felt tears sting in his eyes. He rested his chin on Teddy's dark blonde hair and held him tight.  
'I missed you, Teddy.'

There was a short silence.  
'Why didn't you come visit?' Teddy asked.  
'What did mommy tell you?'  
'Nothing. She didn't want to talk about you.'  
Remus' heart panged.  
'So why didn't you come?'  
Remus swallowed away his frustration, believing a dad made his son feel good, no matter what.  
'It was too dangerous. People were trying to hurt me and I didn't want them to know where you was.'  
'Was it because you are a werewolf?'  
'It was. People don't like werewolves very much. '  
'That's stupid.' Teddy simply stated. 'You are my dad and you are cool. You always do cool stuff with me. Why don't we do that anymore? It that too dangerous too?'  
'Afraid so. I'll take you to do tons of amazing stuff once the war is over, promise.'  
Remus admired Teddy. He was such a smart and understanding kid. Always had been, but still. It was as if he grew so much older in just one year.

'Did you like where you was?'  
'It was okay. There were other kids too. Bill and Charlie. And Gred and Feorge. No. Fred and George. But they are too small to really play with. And I didn't like Percy. I missed going to school though.'  
'_You_ missed going to school? I find that very hard to believe.'  
'_Fine_. I missed my friends. Charlie is cool but he only talks about dragons. School is stupid, I want to go to Hogwarts!'  
'Hogwarts is school too.'  
'Dahaad!'

'Dad?'  
'Yes?'  
'Why did you think I was Sirius?'  
'Sirius is a friend of dad's. I thought he wanted to make sure I was okay.'  
'Oh. Like your best friend?'  
'Something like that.'  
'Well, everyone should have a best friend!' Teddy stated wisely.  
'And who is yours?' Remus asked.  
'You are, silly!'

Teddy launched himself at his father, who toppled over and tried to free himself. He failed miserably though as Teddy started tickling him. As he bowed his head back in laughter he caught a glimpse of Dora. She was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed and lips in a thin, frustrated line. But she was no longer the blonde. His heart skipped a beat when he was suddenly confronted with the woman that still looked so much like the one he married so long ago. The purple hair, heart shaped face and the bright eyes.

'Dora.' Remus stated as he sat back up and pulled Teddy with him, his short hair tousled and cheeks flushed with excitement.  
'Teddy, go play with Harry.' Dora's voice was shaky.  
'Why?' Teddy whined. 'I want to stay with Daddy!'  
'Mommy needs to talk to daddy.'  
'But mom! I want to talk to daddy too!'  
'No buts, young man. Scoot.'  
'Fine. I'll go play with Sirius though, Harry is too small! Sirius is daddy's something like that best friend now, so he must be cool!'

…

'Guess who I just met.'  
Dora closed the door behind her and leaned against her. Remus quietly thanked whatever God it was that made her decide not to come any closer. He didn't answer her question, though, so Dora continued.

'My cousin. Sirius fucking Black. Never met him seeing how my mom betrayed the family and wasn't allowed back and that kind of stuff. Good to know she wasn't the only Black with a straight mind.'  
'Good indeed.' It was a stupid answer but Remus realised damn well his cheeks were burning.  
'He's a good kid, isn't he.'  
'He is.' Remus frowned. Was she going somewhere with this? There were a million things they could talk about but she chose to start off with Sirius. Was that a coincidence?

'Aren't you going to say it's good to see me again or some of that muggle-movie crap?' Dora said and Remus' lips twitched to half a smile. It was such a Dora thing to say. It used to be one of the things that made him like her so much. Now it just carried the bitter tones of a hurt woman.  
'I would love to. But I don't like lying to you.'  
She huffed. Remus wondered why. He never lied to her. He _did_love her, in some way. It just took him a very long time to figure that out that wasn't the way it should be.

'How was your year?' He asked, trying to change the subject again.  
'Boring. Chaotic. It's quite hard to keep your kid satisfied on your own. Though Molly Weasley does one hell of a job being a substitute aunt. Or a substitute mother, at that. How she keeps all those kids in control!'  
There was a little hint of Dora's old spirit in that remark and Remus smiled again, this time fully.  
'She is quite the miracle, isn't she.'  
'She is.' Dora smiled back and for a short moment there was a hint of what they once had, but then her face grew serious again.  
'So. How was your year.' She asked and her grey eyes, so much like her cousin's piercing his. 'I heard the house burned down, Death Eater attack.'  
'Yes. I'm so sorry, there was nothing left to save.'

Dora didn't answer. Both of them knew damn well Dora took everything she wanted to take anyway.

'Where do you live now? Here in the Order?'  
'No, I bought an apartment in London with Sirius.'  
'How can you afford that?'  
'I can't. Sirius can, though.'  
'And he, what? Just asked you to come live with him? What exactly is the story here?'

Remus swallowed. He just told Dora he'd never lie to her. That was not a great move. What was he going to do now?

'I put an add up to rent out the attic so I could afford the house a bit better. Sirius replied.'  
Dora raised her eyebrows.  
'Irresponsible, I know, in times like this.' Remus admitted.  
'Not just that, weren't you a little worried taking a _Black_ in of all people?'  
'He didn't give me his true name. He didn't even tell me he was a wizard.'  
'Remus, that was insane. Everyone could've responded to that add. It could've been another Black and they could've killed you!'

Remus didn't answer straight away. What was he going to say? That a part of him, perhaps, hoped that would happen so all the pain would be over?

'It wasn't a smart move, I know. But I was so confused and I really needed the money.'  
'You could've asked me. I would've lent you some.'  
'How could I? You left without telling me where you went. I thought that was a clear sign you didn't want to see me.'  
Dora shrugged.  
'That wasn't the best signal perhaps. For some part of last year I hoped you were going to stop by and beg me to take you back. But I guess now I know that was never going to happen.'

She gave him a look that made Remus' heart skip a bit. He promised her he wouldn't lie. So he wasn't going to.

'About that... There something I want to tell you. You earn to know. Sirius..'  
'Is your lover.' She finished. There was little emotion in her voice.  
Remus nodded, not sure what he could possibly say.  
'He talked about you the way I once did just then. Even if he tried to hide it. I'm not stupid.'  
She shook her head. 'So he didn't just take you in, did he. You are actually living together. As.. As that.'  
Remus nodded again. He knew what was coming. He was familiar with her fiery character. And indeed. What he feared for came.  
'You've got to be kidding me, Remus. Ten years of marriage and all of a sudden you are into men? Was everything just a joke to you?'  
'No, I-'  
But she wouldn't let him finish.  
'Remus, I swear.' She started.  
'So do I, this isn't-'  
'Al that time I wasn't good enough, just because I was a women. This is ridiculous, Remus. You should've told me. It's probably within my power to-'  
'Dora, be quiet!' Remus shouted. 'Listen to me!'

Dora wrapped her arms and stared at him with a supposedly uninterested look. But Remus knew her well enough to see he startled her with his response.  
'I get this hurts you. And I get the divorce wasn't easy on you. But it wasn't on me, either! If it was up to me, I never would've divorced you! Yes, My life would have been one fucking miserable mess, but Teddy would have both his parents. I would've done that!'  
'Than you should've fought it! You should've fought me!' Dora walked over to him until they were standing so close their noses almost touched.  
'Maybe I should have! Why don't we just get married again, huh? Be one happy little family!' Remus spat.  
'That is not what I mean, don't be ridiculous! But do you even know who you are without him? You went from a man that couldn't love his wife to a divorced man to a gay man just like that!' She snapped with her fingers. 'Is that really what you need right now? Do you even know who you are?'  
'Are you trying to tell me what's best for me? I'm not a child, Dora!' Remus stood up, bumping into the table and knocking over the vase on top of it.  
'No, but you_ have_ one. How are you going to explain this to Teddy? That all of a sudden you went from not loving his mummy to loving a guy! A twenty-two year old guy at that! I'm from a family in which Sirius could've been his brother! In which Sirius could've been your son!'  
'He is not that much younger than you are!'  
'Not that much is still a lot!'

They stood opposite each other, chests heaving with anger and eyes shooting fire at each other. Not literally, but still.

'Look, Dora.' Remus said, trying his best to stay calm. 'I get this is not what you want to hear right now. But Sirius.. I need him. And If you can't understand, then don't.'  
'What about Teddy? How are you going to explain this to him?'  
'I'll find a way.'  
'Well. Good luck. Don't expect any help from me on that part.'

Without further ado she turned around and left the room. Remus waited a few second before he followed. He was still fuming with anger. That was not how he wanted to face Sirius. Or Teddy. He clasped his mouth as he realized how he had been shouting earlier. Had Teddy heard that? Had Sirius? Fuck. Sirius. He had to talk to Sirius.

…

As he slammed the door behind him he looked into a pair of shocked eyes. Grey. And this time they belonged to the right person.

'How did it go?' Sirius asked and the fright in his eyes broke Remus. Dora was right. Did he even know himself? He went from a failed marriage into a gay relationship with a man he hardly ever saw. Now he thought it was the best time of his life. But would it still be if he got older and Sirius would still be so young? Would it still be all he wanted once the war was over and they got to spend so much more time together? What if Dora was right. Could he _really_ be sure this was what he wanted? Who said it wasn't just to make him feel good about himself. That someone so different to his wife wanted him?

'I don't know, Sirius. I really don't.'  
Sirius nodded, his mouth trembling as his gaze altered between Remus and the door.  
'You fought her for me. At least I got that.'  
'Please. Sirius.'  
Sirius stopped talking and Remus continued  
'I can't see you right now, please. Just go home. We'll talk after the mission.'

One would guess Remus would've seen enough classic movies to know nothing good ever came from that last sentence. Yet he said it. The hurt in Sirius' eyes made him feel even worse, if that was possible, but he felt it was the only thing he could do right now. He'd leave in less than an hour. How could he possibly give Sirius a chance of a fair conversation if he'd have to break it up and leave?

Together they walked to the living room where James and Lily were helping Gideon and Fabian pack for the mission. Dora was sitting on the couch. Teddy was watching the muggle tv. He shot a look over his shoulder and smiled at his dad. But then he caught his mother's glare and averted his look to the television again.  
It was then that Remus realised Sirius hadn't stopped walking. He could hear the familiar footsteps going downstairs and he realised he made a stupid mistake. He left everything for what it was and followed it, hastily.

'Sirius.' He called but there was no answer as the footstep continued walking. He followed them quickly and ended up in what used to be the backroom of the library. The place where the secret entrance was. The same window he had thrown Sirius through one year ago. A move that saved his lover's life.  
'Sirius..' Remus started again but Sirius raised his hand.  
'We'll talk after the mission.' He said, mouth a thin line. 'I'll be home.'

And he stepped through the window and left.

**Thought I should dig a little in what kind of father I guess Remus would've been. Somewhere between slightly uncomfortable and very loving and joking is my guess. Yours?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Another chapter! Sorry it took me so long! I was participating in NaNoWriMo (which I wasn't able to finish, unfortunately) but I'm all yours again! I'd like to point out, once again. English is not my first language and I'm too impatient to wait for someone to beta my stories. So you'll just have to take them the way they pop out of my head and hands. Thanks! **

Remus had jumped through that window as soon as Sirius had. It was stupid and unsafe, but he did it without thinking. He made a big mistake and he had to set it straight as soon as possible. Preferably, right now. His feet landed on the little bit of sidewalk that was considered safe. Useless, though. There was no sight of his lover. It seemed Sirius had disapparated as soon as he jumped through the window. To their apartment, no doubt. Every muscle in Remus' body ached to follow, but he knew he couldn't. There was a war going on. He could not let his personal life afflict his work for the Order. No matter how much he wanted to or how much Sirius deserved it. Priorities could save and cost lives at this point of time. And Sirius would still be there when he returned.. Plus, these few days gave him more than enough time to think up one hell of an apology. Because he knew Sirius would be insane to just take him back like that.

Sure, he hadn't called him names. He hadn't hurt him physically. But he _had_ been selfish and incredibly unfair. Sirius had only offered him a changed to relieve some stress from the conversation. And what had Remus done? He'd send him home with the horrible _we'll talk when I get back. _That was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He was now sitting on the windowsill, on the inside of the store, trying to regain the guts to face the others. With one hair he whipped his hair out of his face, realising damn well how foolish he had been.

The past year hadn't been easy on him. On Sirius. On anyone he knew, really. But that was no reason to be so careless and selfish as he just had been. Love was pretty much the only positive thing one could find these days. And now, when he finally found a love he could answer.. How could he have been so careless. They parted in anger. That was just horrible. It was never easy, but kissing someone before you left gave you an extra reason to be careful and to be back as soon as possible. Now they would both spend days lingering in anger that would just build up with the possibility of made up conversations these days would give them. He knew that every single second they'd spend apart, was another second he'd have to spend in making up to Sirius. And what if he never made it back? He'd leave Sirius with a horrible memory.. He didn't want their parting to go like this. Fuck.

He had one hour 'til he had to leave. He knew he had to go back up and get ready. But how could he face them after his horrible display of egocentricity? As if his pain was the only pain that existed in this world? Because he was sure the rest had heard their little chat. It was only a few feet from the living room, after all.

After a few more minutes, he pushed himself up from the windowsill and walked back upstairs with a deep frown on his face. He was glad that once he was there, no one decided to talk to him. Even the Prewett twins were too occupied with packing their backs (something they always did last minute) to bother him with stupid jokes. Remus sat down at the table and buried his hands in his hair. If only he had enough focus to apparated to their destiny. Or were they going to take a portkey? He couldn't even remember…

A soft tick awoke him from his frustrated thought and when he looked up he found a game of wizards chess on the table and his son sitting opposite him. He didn't speak, that little Teddy. He just made the first move and silently waited for his father to answer with another move. And Remus did, with a smile of gratitude. He was glad that at least one person in the world seemed to understand exactly what he needed. And so his last hour before going on a mission he now dreaded even more started.

Most of that time he spend playing that game of Wizard Chess with his son, which he was sure Teddy let him win. He was a very considerate kid that saw something was wrong with his dad. And Remus was very glad this was the way he got to spend the hours. Because mind you, even though Teddy let him win, it wasn't an easy match. The boy was good. Clearly inherited his father's brains. Though, of course, Dora wasn't stupid. Just clumsy. So it was that 45 minutes later Remus won and Teddy smiled as he cleared the table. Remus realised his son knew exactly that this would give him some ease, which it had. Perhaps not seeing him for an entire year hadn't left as much frustration and distance between the two of them as he had foreseen.

The remaining 15 minutes were spend by taking his backpack, only packed with the most necessaries things, his coat and bidding everyone goodbye. A big hug for Teddy who pretty much leaped in his arms. A quick hug for James and Lily and a kiss on little baby Harry's head. Dora got herself a gaze, but that was clearly all she was willing to return as well. Then the Prewett twins pretty much literally escorted him downstairs. Just outside the window where, only an hour ago, Sirius had left in anger was an old boot. _A portkey after all_. Remus sighed, relieved. He had been afraid that his current state of mind would get him splinched. But this would probably work out for the best. As the portkey started glowing and Remus took hold of it, the familiar tugging behind his navel came and then they all disappeared. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Here, because I've neglected you people for so long. **

They landed in a forest. As soon as they landed Remus started putting up the protective spells as the Prewett brothers bickered over how to put up the tent fastest. A few meters away from them was a little stir as the protection spells from the previous group disappeared. It was a routine by now. So much of a routine that Remus no longer paid attention to the spells he was casting. It was always the same spells. Over and over and over until he was sure it would be enough.

'Cave Inimicum.'

'Protego Maxima.'

'Fianto Duri.'

'Repello Inimicum.'

'Repello Muggletum.'

'Salvio Hexia.'

'Why, that is very fascinating. But I doubt it'll do much when it comes to protecting us.'  
'What?' Remus stared at Fabian, who motioned with his eyes to what he was seeing. Remus snapped his head back and was greeted by… Bubbles. He filled the forest with big, shiny bubbles.  
He just stared at them. How did that happen? He hadn't used that spell.. Well no. That wasn't true. He used to use it when Teddy was small to entertain him. But he had used it once more to decorate the Christmas tree Sirius was so keen on having. Not that long ago..

With a quick flick of his wand he discarded the bubbles. They disappeared with a saddening pop and he raised his wand again to continue his routine of spells when he felt a hand on his arm. It was Fabian, one eyebrow quirked.  
'Why don't you let me do that, ey? You go and join that buffoon in putting up the tent.'  
Remus nodded, grateful this important task would no longer be his to fail and he made his way to Gideon, who somehow managed to get stuck with one tent pole up the leg of his trousers and through the armhole and another one through both armholes, causing him to look as if he was pinned onto a huge cross. He gave Remus a stern look as if to forbid him to laugh. Luckily for him, Remus didn't feel like laughing anyway. He freed him from his odd cross and started putting all the bits in the right places. When it was done he stomped into the tent, unimpressively slamming it shut. He picked out his usual bedroom, magical tents had many, and started unpacking some stuff. Not much.

They'd only be here for a few days. But it could never hurt to have some things at the ready. A book. Some essence of Dittany, a bezoar, a small range of potions. And of course, a small bundles of scribbled detail about their mission. He carefully placed them on the table the way he did each and every time. Always in the same order. Always. That way he could be sure that if they were in a hurry, he'd always get the right potion. This time he checked three times, naming everything out loud. This was clearly not his best day and if the bubbles were just the start.. Well. He did not want to be responsible for something happening to the Prewett twins. 

When he returned from the room, the twins were roasting some sausages. On a fire _inside_ the tent. They loved camping but they had a very refreshing view on how it should be done. Remus joined them and gave Fabian a face as he handed Remus a raw sausage with some ketchup. Nevertheless he took a bite. Every now and then, raw meat was the one thing he could find comfort in.

'So. Stake out. Not my favourite.'  
'And quite hard to do from within a tent.' Remus said, giving the brothers a stern look.  
'It is raining!'  
Remus gave them another look, then walked outside, pulling a hood over his head to protect his face from the worst of rain. He was never one to wear hoodies but Sirius convinced him everyone should at least own _one._ And it _had_ turned out to come in handy during missions so Remus promised himself to never again forget it. Right now, it felt wrong to wear it but he was nevertheless grateful to be reminded that Sirius had improved his life in many ways.

He positioned himself against a tree and made himself comfortable. These were boring missions and hardly dangerous, but important. This path, hidden quite well, was a rather unknown passage to the Malfoy Manner. The Malfoys were known for their pureblood mania and this path was often used by their followers. It was filled with Muggle repellent spells but apparently they were sure no one else knew about this passage as the Order, at least up until now, had still been able to set up camp and keep an eye on everyone passing by. There was always at least one person camping out here. The people that had disappeared before Remus and the Prewetts appeared were, if he wasn't mistaken, Marlene McKinnon and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Everyone knew why they went out on stakeouts together. But they'd return with valuable information so no one complained.

As said, these stake outs were often boring, but useful. More than once they had witnessed kidnapped muggles or Mudbloods being dragged through these woods and more than once had they been able to save them. Of course that had to be done carefully as well. It would be too suspicious if they'd turn up _everytime_ someone got caught. But they'd make notes and attack every once in a while. It was a method that wasn't able to save every single life, but enough.  
This day turned out to be a busy one. Within an hour of Remus' shift a bunch of followers, no necessarily Death Eaters, return with about 8 or 9 people, Remus wasn't sure. He made as many and as detailed as possible notes as he could. These were the things they'd bring back to the Order and people like Lily and Dorcas would start comparing them to missing muggles and halfbloods. It sickened Remus to see one of them was but a little girl, probably around Teddy's age. There was blood in her hair. He hoped it wasn't hers.

Nothing more happened after that and a few hours later Fabian stepped out to take over his shift, boasting about how lovely the weather was. There was indeed a bit of sunshine now. Remus cleaned the leafs of his pants and walked back into the tent. Gideon was playing a game of Wizard Chess with himself and invited Remus to join, but Remus politely declined. Instead he withdrew to his bedroom and flopped down on the bed. Something he had been doing quite a lot lately, it seemed. He just needed some time to be alone with his thought, though. But he didn't get much time for that as he fell asleep. The nightmare he always had occurred again. But this time, just as it had done the previous night, something had changed.

_'So, why a roommate in a house like this?' Sirius asked when he had re-found his usual guts. 'Divorce.' The man grimaced. 'Why renting a room in a house like this?' __'Got kicked out.' Sirius shrugged._

_'Why are you so kind. Why didn't you kick me out after.. Well. That certain display of affection.' 'Ah. That. Well.' Remus grimaced. 'I've seen enough hatred in this world to not want to be a part of it.'_

_'Have you know for a long time?' Sirius finally broke the silence. 'I am not gay!' Remus shouted, throwing his cup of tea on the ground. It shattered to a thousand pieces in the very literal breaking point Sirius was looking for._

_'Allow me.' Sirius shouted over the deafening rain hitting the streets. Remus turned around. He had to squeeze his eyes to prevent the rain from blurring his sight more. When he finally seemed to realize who it was shouting in his ear, he almost dropped his bag of groceries. 'I'm sorry.' Sirius smirked. 'You look like you've seen a ghost.' Remus recovered quickly and smiled. 'Not in quite some time. Left pocket.'_

_'Should I kiss you now?' Sirius whispered. Oddly enough not in the voice he knew could drive men crazy. It was just a whisper, a soft murmuring of kind words. He leaned in a bit to ensure Remus knew he meant it. 'Yes.' Was the reply he got and his heart skipped a beat._

_'But he is so young!' Lily pressed. 'You can't just run head of heels in a relationship with someone that much younger than you. You hardly know him. Just thinking you are in love shouldn't be enough! Especially if with your problems!'_

_'Why don't you just leave me the fuck alone?' He shouted. Never would he be proud of this moment but he shouted. Apparently he had jumped of the couch and was now staring at Remus who was staring back at him. 'Sirius, calm down.'_

_Sirius stormed towards the door, hearing Remus shout in his wake. 'They are just junkies!' But it was no use. He slammed the door open, crossed the street without looking. Several cars screeched and there was some shouting but Sirius ignored them. 'Who the fuck are you guys and what are you doing here!'_

_'Get out!' It was fiercer now as he turned around. There was a fire in his eyes and it startled Sirius. 'Why? What have I done?' 'Don't think I don't know who you are! Christ. Have they send you here to spy on me? On the order? How could I have been so stupid? I can't believe that was your secret.' His fist hit the doorpost, hard. Sirius stepped back._

_Sirius! Sirius, stay awake. Please.' Remus cradled his torso, tapping his cheeks. 'You'll be alright. Don't die on me. Don't you dare die on me! Lily! James!'_

_It was followed by the weird addition he had had last night._

_Sirius was sitting, tight in a chair, gagged. His eyes big as he stared at Remus. Remus knew for sure because he wasn't in his own body. Instead he seemed to watch from a distance. It was a dark house in a dark room in a house, old and extravagant. A jet of red light made its way to Dora but it never got there as he jumped in front of her. The jet hit him in the chest and he saw how he fell to the ground with empty eyes._

_Sirius, still tied to the chair and gagged, screamed his lungs out and started wriggling, trying to free himself from the chair while someone erupted from the shadow. Bellatrix.  
'Oh my.' She giggled as she patted Sirius' shoulder and stroked his hair before grasping it tightly and pulling his hair back. 'This is quite the interesting family reunion, isn't it. The bitch, the pup and the dirt little werewolf that fucked them all.'_

'No!'  
Remus shut up, breathing heavily. He turned towards Sirius and for a moment he was in shock as Sirius wasn't there. Then he realised Sirius _couldn't_ be there. He was on a mission for the Order. He was sleeping alone. Sirius was at home. Safe and sound. He slowly rose from the bed and made his way to the front where Fabian was now playing with exploding cards. Remus made sure the stay as far away as he could. How long had he been sleeping? He hadn't missed a shift, had he?

Apparently not, as Fabian just waved a piece of paper towards him.  
'Well well. Look who's awake, mister I caught them bring in a whole bunch of them. Well, good for you. But _I _got something spectaculair. A bagged man! Imagine that! They kidnapped someone and put a bag over his head. Must be quite the someone, huh.'  
'Good for you indeed.' Remus mumbled as he started making himself a cup of tea. Only the Prewett brothers could be happy about catching someone like this.  
He sat down on a bench far, far from the cards and sipped from the hot cup when Gideon walked in the tent. Well no. It wasn't really walking. He more or less ran inside, seemingly out of breath despite the short distance.

He swallowed and looked up to his brother and Remus, waving a piece of paper in his hand.  
'Gid, what's up?' Fabian said. The Prewetts were jokers, but they could read each other like no one could. If Fabian was this concerned, than something was going on.  
'Mission is canceled. We're asked to go back to the Order straight away. Like, right now.'  
"What, why? Who's orders?'  
Fabian snapped the letter from his brother's hands and scanned it.  
'Are we sure this is real?'  
'Felix brought it..'

Gideon looked at Remus with a look of doubt in his eyes.  
'Gideon, what's going on?' Remus asked.  
'Nothing. We should just go.'  
'Gideon..'  
'Nothing, really. Nothing big. It's just that..' Fabian said, trying to fill in for his brother.

'Tell me!' Remus screamed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Funfact: Did you know the dutch name for Dumbledore is Perkamentus? Which would literally translate back in something like Parchmentus. Hermione's last name is Griffel, which would translate in Slatepencil. But no worries, Harry Potter is still Harry Potter :P**

Fabian clearly hesitated but eventually scraped his throat.

'Sirius has gone missing.'

An icy cold struck around his heart as Remus grasped the letter from Gideon's head or whoever it was that was holding it and read it. As comforting as Dumbledore's handwriting used to be, right now it was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen. It felt as if a thousand knives cut through him.

_Gentlemen,_

_To my regret I have to inform you one of our members, Sirius Orion Black, has not been seen nor heard from for two days. The family Sir Black comes from and the unfortunate events from last year, leaves us concerned about his whereabouts and wellbeing._

_Your presence is required at the Order of the Phoenix, immediately._

_Albus Dumbledore_

Remus read the letter over and over. It was true. Sirius was missing. It was all his fault. All of it. He could have.. He should have.. Why didn't he! Then something dawned to him..  
'Two days..' He mumbled, then frowned. 'I slept for two straight days?'  
'There was no waking you up.' Gideon said.  
'Yes. And be grateful we took over all your shitty shifts.' Fabian added.  
'_How did I sleep for two days!'  
_Remus was seriously confused. So much that for a moment he forgot the content of the letter in his hands. He had been tired, sure. That's what the war did to everyone by now. But to sleep for two straight days without waking up _once_. That was just ridiculous. Something moved in the corner of his eye. It was Fabian, shuffling his feet like a guilty little kid. Remus lowered the letter.

'Fabian..' He said, his voice slightly threatening and interlaced with frustrations that he had momentarily forgotten about.  
'It was an accident, alright!' He said, backing away from Remus. 'I was making a tower with exploding snap cards. It kept failing so I wiped them from the table and well.. They _may_ have exploded in your face. Hence the two days knock out. And..'  
'And WHAT?'  
'And the eyebrows..'  
'My eyebrows..?'  
Hastily Remus whipped out his wand.  
'Accio mirror.'  
Dumb because the spell chose to send him the big mirror from the bathroom which he only just caught before it would've shattered to pieces in Fabians' face. Something that would've been an acceptable alternative once he caught eye of himself. His eyebrows were gone. Completely gone. He looked ridiculous.  
'We tried growing them back but the cards are magical so.. I don't think it's possible.'  
'I look ridiculous!' Remus shouted and the twins cringed. Then Remus saw the letter, still in his hand, crinkled between him and the mirror.

'Fuck, that is not the point! Remus tossed the mirror aside, luckily it landed on the couch and Gideon flicked it back to the bathroom with a short gesture of his wand. 'Where is Sirius? What happened to them.'  
'That _kind_ off was missing means, Sirius. They don't know.'

Remus´ heart seemed to turn to solid eyes. He had been selfish. _We´ll talk when I get back._ What is that would never happen? What if he would never see Sirius again? His stomach turned. What if it was his fault Sirius got caught.. They had to go back. He had to find Sirius. Right now.  
'We have to go back! How do we go back! The portkey isn't due for another day and we can't apparated this close to the mansion! Are we gonna walk? We don't fit under the cloak. We can't fly. We don't have any brooms.'  
This was his fault. This was all his fault. He had to do something. He had to go back. Fuck. He had to find Sirius! Then something hit him. Literally. Remus stared at his feet to find a fluffy old cat toy.  
'Portkey.' Gideon nodded. 'Dumbledore sent it along.'  
As soon as Gideon was done talking Remus picked it up and walked outside. The twins got the hint and rapidly started packing everything. With magic, this time. To make sure it was done as fast as possible. Just in time, ´cause when the last tentpole disappeared in the bag, the cattoy started glowing.  
Remus took an even firmer hold of it. As did Fabian. And Gideon. Three full grown man holding on to a cattoy as if their lives depended on it.

Who knew. It might as well have been that way.


	12. Chapter 12

They landed on the tiny spot in front of the library window and Remus had to push Gideon through head-first to make ure he wouldn't accidently step outside of the safety zone. Perhaps the push was a bit harder then intended, but he felt somehow had to be punished for his eyebrows. Even _if _he was able to grow them back magically. Which he was doing right now. It wasn't a priority, he knew that. But he was so on edge that he couldn't promise he wouldn't hurt anyone if they started laughing about his eyebrows while there was something way more important to be done.  
He didn't pay any attention to the grumpy Gideon with a bleeding nose and a slightly startled Fabian that followed him as he practically ran upstairs to the livingroom where a small group of people had gathered.

He saw James and Lily, obviously. Dora was there, as was Teddy. Mundungus, Shacklebolt, Marlene. And, to his shock, Dumbledore. If the man had taken time from his busy schedule to be hiere.. Then things were serious.  
Lily broke the uncomfortable staring by running towards Remus and hugging him tight, not saying a word. Remus hugged her back half-heartedly as he preferred to get over the emotional nonsense and get to getting Sirius back as fast as possible. Over her shoulder he caught vision of Dora, sitting on the edge of the couch with red eyes, biting one of her pink polished nails. She'd been crying. He wondered whether that satisfied it but found it didn't. It wasn't nearly as much her fault as it was his own.

He was glad when Dumbledore finally broke the loaded silence.  
'First of all. Thank you for returning so swiftly. I would very much like to point out that we can't be certain anything serious has happened, yet. Nevertheless, mister Potter has taken the liberty to check on Sirius' home.' Dumledore gave James a glance of piercing blue over his half-moon glasses and James blushed a bit. 'There was no sign of a struggle nor a sign that Sirius had been to retrieve passport, broom or anything else he'd need to travel. We can be more or less certain the cause of disappearance took place between him leaving here two days ago and returning home, seeing he probably never arrived. Still. That does not prove something or nothing happened. Or that Sirius left us intentionally. I can't stress this enough. Because of his background, we have to be careful either way.'  
Remus felt a heat burn inside of him at the possibly accusation but a part of him knew they had to think of every possible scenario. Though, of course, Sirius' betrayal was the last possibly on his list.  
'I knew it!' A voice erupted from the group of people. 'A Black is not to be trusted!'  
It was Mundungus Fletcher. The already soaring heat inside of him rose even further but it wasn't his body that lunged forward, nor his hand that gave the man a slap in the face he wouldn't likely forget anytime soon.  
'You are _never_to speak about him like that again. You have _no_ idea what it is like to be part of that family! He would never go back voluntarily!'  
It was Dora. Het usual spiky pink hair was now a flaming red and Remus held his breath. He had more than once been on the receiving end of that haircut and it wasn't pretty. Apparently Mundungus wasn't unfamiliar with it either as he quickly sprinted out of her reach and remained silent for the rest of the moment.  
'I suggest we form a search party. Remus, Fabian, Gideon, is there a chance any of you have seen anything?" James asked, taking over the wheel from Dumbledore. He did that quite a lot, Dumbledore approved, and it suited him. He had a talent for logistics and this kind of stuff.  
'Oh, yes!" Fabian said a little too excited as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. It could've been Gideon, but Remus didn't really care. 'Right before we were called back they brought a hooded figure to Malfoy Manor. Hooded, so we couldn't see. But if it talks like a Black and walks like a Black..' No one laughed at the joke but James nodded and continued his planning.

'That is great news. Marlene, Shackebolt, you station on the usual spot, casually move closer to the manor. See what you can hear or see. Mundungus, Fabian, I suggest you keep an eye on the house of the Black Family, see who comes in, goes out. Lily, Dora, you stay here and collect all the incoming information from the others. Remus.' James took a breath. 'I suggest you and I go back to your place. Organize an extended search and make sure someone's there in case Sirius or a message regarding his whereabouts shows up. That is my plan, sir.' James concluded, turning towards Dumbledore. The man nodded as he took something from Harry's crib and waved his wand.

'Shacklebolt. McKinnon. Be ready to leave in ten minutes. Same goes for you, Fabian and Mundungus. Remus, James. You can apparate to the front door, it is still safe.'  
Everyone nodded and starting collection stuff from all around. Even those that didn't live there had an emergencbag somewhere in case of.. Well. In case something like this would happen. Remus tried to remember where he left his stuff. Close to the window, probably. He left it there to get upstairs as fast as possible. Not that he needed it if he went home. But there was stuff in that bag Sirius got him. And right now, he did not want to be parted from anything more evolving Sirius that Sirius himself. That was awful enough. And all his fault.

He walked downstairs without much further ado, agreeing that James would meet him there to leave. His mind started spinning. He told Sirius they'd talk when he got back. What if it was Sirius that would never come back? What if they parted in anger and he'd never get a chance to redeem what he had said? He would never be able to forgive himself. He loved Sirius more than anything. More than life. Had he ever told him that properly? He stopped mid-track as he reached his backpack. He'd be back at their apartment in a moment. It wasn't the first time he'd be there without Sirius. Nor the first time there'd be a chance Sirius wouldn't come home again. But it _was_ the first time it was his fault if Sirius wouldn't return. He could feel his heartbeat rise and his breathing became unsteady as he started to panic. There was chance he'd never see Sirius again. He couldn't…

A hand grabbed him by the arm, just as he was to go down and pulled him back up.  
'Let's get you some fresh air.' The hand pushed him towards the window and took hold of his backpack. Remus automatically assumed it was James, ready to go. He might have discarded that idea sooner had he seen the person took hold of the bag with the tent as well.  
Remus stepped through the window and sat down at the windowsill, taking deep breaths of the cool air, trying to calm himself. The backpack was gently placed by his feet and a figure sat down next to him. Smaller than James. And certainly better smelling.  
'Are you alright?' The voice asked and this time it was clear it wasn't James. It was Dora.  
'I'm fine.' Remus mumbled, not sure she was the person he wanted to talk to right now.  
'Don't lie to me, Remus. Our bond may not be as good as it once was, but I can still call your bullshit.'  
Remus smiled bitterly. Of course he wasn't right. And of course she knew that. But she left it at that and Remus was glad he no longer needed to talk. They sat there in silence and Remus took deep breaths of the cold air as they watched people walking by. Oddly enough, none of them seemed Death Eaters.  
He had to go soon. Back to the place he did not want to go without Sirius right now but he knew he should.

'What's that?' He asked as he saw something glowing from the corner of his eye. Remus turned his head and stared at the milkbottle in Dora's hand.  
'Shacklebolt and McKinnon's portkey.' She simply stated as she hoisted Remus' backpack on her back and took hold of the tent with the portkeyless hand.  
"I suggest you hold onto it. Like. Right now.'

Before he had time to think what was happening, Remus took hold of it. For the second time in less then an hour he felt that familiar surge behind his navel and the world around him started turning again. In no time his feet landed on the exact same spot he left about half an hour earlier and he watched as Dora started putting up protective spells. They were close to Malfoy Manor.  
Very close. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you so much for the reviews and favorites! I think you deserved a new chapter, don't you? How about a little relationship-therapy?**

Remus watched as Dora put up the spells. He grasped for the bagged tent and tried putting it up but his hands failed him. He was too confused right now. The emotions were overwhelming. Sirius was missing and it was all his fault. And not just that. He gazed at Dora as she finished the spells and walked back towards him. It had been a mission not much unlike this one, on this exact spot, that had completely cracked their marriage.

_'Alright, looks like we've got the information.' Dora mumbled as she took the piece of parchment they had been looking for from the Death Eater's pocket.  
'This will be dangerous.' Remus said, mouth a thin, straight line. He wondered why Dumbledore had decided to send them away together. Everyone knew things weren't.. the way they were supposed to be.  
'Everything is dangerous right now, Remus.' She said and the way she pronounced his name made him shiver. Not in a good way.  
'I just don't want Teddy to lose his parents.'  
There was a short silence.  
'Would you be willing to die for me, if that would save my life?'  
It had nothing to do with the Teddy conversation. Remus felt the question had been lingering on her mind for quite some time. He stared at his wand. Would he save her life? He couldn't answer.. He didn't answer and her face grew dark.  
'Did you even ever loved me.' She asked, nothing more than a breath.  
Again, he couldn't answer. And again he didn't.  
'Alright. Let's just finish this and go home.' Dora said as she took Remus' arm, holding it a lot tighter than she had to, and disaparated to the spot they were supposed to go. But Remus knew she was thinking what he was thinking. The moment this mission was done, the moment they'd go back home.. They would be finished._

'Stop thinking.'  
For a moment Remus' heart stopped beating. Sirius always knew when he was thinking stuff he shouldn't be thinking about and tell him to stop. But it wasn't Sirius this time. Sirius was gone. It was Dora. She stared at Remus and he stared back. The look in her eyes told him she had been thinking the exact same thing so it was hardly fair for her to tell him to stop.

'I am so confused right now.' Remus breathed. 'I feel like I should thank you for this. But fight with you because of your immature approach. And thank you again.'  
'You can do all of that, if you please. We'll be out here for quite some time.'  
'What if the other's come?'  
'They won't.'  
'How can you be sure?'  
'They're smart people. Most of them, at least. I won't stand for the Prewetts. But I put up the spells. They know they will not be able to find us and it would only endanger the mission.'  
'How do they even know we are here.'  
'I left a note.'  
'What about Marlene and Shacklebolt.'  
'I left them stunned.'  
'Dora..'  
'I know, I know. Immature and dangerous. What else is new. I haven't changed much, Remus. I'm still a clumsy, stubborn brat as you once so eloquently put it.' She started rummaging through the tent bag and put it up with a swift move of her wand. Remus stared at her. She was so.. calm. Mature. As if all the tension between them had vanished and she was no longer angry with him.. She did not seem like the clumsy, stubborn brat he indeed once called her at all.

'Dora.' He said again and she stopped putting up the tent, realising fully well that he knew something had happened. She turned around and looked at him with guilty eyes.  
'Why did you come.' Remus asked. There was no accusation in his voice whatsoever. He had no idea how this was possible but all of a sudden it made sense to be here with Dora. It had been a quest on the exact same spot that had ruined their marriage so long ago. It made no sense things were going this easy right now but it made sense all the same.  
'I had to.' She answered.  
'Why?'  
She hesitated for a while, then opened the flap of the tent and motioned Remus to walk in. He did with a pounding heart, realising fully well what was going to happen. This moment was long overdue.

***

They sat down at the table that still held some scorch marks of a certain game of exploding snap cards. He traced them with his fingers, waiting for Dora to talk. He hoped she'd start because he had no idea how to himself.

'I never should've made you doubt your decision.'  
That was the first thing she said and it made Remus frown. Was she talking about their fight, earlier?  
She continued.  
'It was selfish of me to try and make you believe you would not be able to fall in love with someone. I guess I was a little hurt you so easily exchanged one Black for another. Bullshit, of course. It's not about us both being a Black. It's about him being a guy, isn't it.'  
Remus was quiet for a moment.  
'What made you change your mind. You were quite persistent.'  
'I wanted to release some steam after you left.' Dora admitted and she hesitated before she continued. 'Turns out, the pensieve at the Order isn't used that much.'  
Remus felt his stomach turn. All the events of past year suddenly shooting in front of his eyes in tiny flashes, faces and colours.

…

_'Remus.' Lily took hold of his hand. The good one. 'It could be a trick. Part of a very elaborate plot to either kill you or torture you.'__  
__'It could be. But what if it's not? What if I chased him back to those who try to kill him?'__  
__'That would be unfortunate.' She admitted though clearly still not convinced.__  
__'Lily. I think I love him.' Remus whispered._

_…_

_'Just kill me.' Remus growled.__  
__'Well, well. Aren't you broken hearted. __And all of that over a pathetic little bloodtraitor.'_

_…_

_'Hello?'__  
__'Remus?'__  
__Both Regulus and Remus stiffened at the sound. In the short moment of silence they both realized it was too late to escape. With fear in his ear, Regulus pulled his wand. With fire in his eyes, knowing Sirius was still alive and well, Remus jumped from the couch. And Fenrir, taken aback by the sudden change of heart, dropped the phone and got slammed into the wall._

_.._

'You saw..'  
'Everything. Yes. Remus. I'm so sorry.'  
'You don't have to be.'  
'Yes, I do!' She said fiercely. But this time it wasn't the voice that usually turned into shouting.  
'We never had that.' Dora continued. 'I was a selfish bitch. At first I thought not seeing you for a year would make things better but it didn't. I just kept making up scenarios and possible fights and when I found out about you and Sirius.. I've known for quite some time, Remus. It's all the little things. _No Dora, Remus isn't home right now. He and Sirius… No Dora, he no longer lives here. He and Sirius._'  
Remus felt his stomach turn again. She had known for months.  
'So when you told me.. I had to fight you because if I didn't, it somehow felt as if I failed keeping our marriage together.'  
Remus opened his mouth but Dora stopped.  
'Please allow me to finish this. I might only be half a Black, but I'm still a Black and I'm not sure I'll be able to shove aside my pride long enough to do this ever again. I should not have kept you from Teddy or Sirius. What we had was never real and I always knew that. I just hoped that I could make you see.. What I wanted to see. I know it was a ridiculous thought to think either of us made our marriage fail because it was never a success to begin with. So I would like to apologize for everything I ever did. Or said. And keeping Teddy away from you.. I'll never do that again. I promise.'  
'Dora.' Remus started. But he had no idea what to say.  
'Don't think I'm not still shocked about the whole Sirius thing.' She said. 'In fact, I do feel a little betrayed about that, whether you knew you liked men back then or not. And you don't have to explain. I know things aren't all wonderful again. But I see that my anger makes no difference in the situation whatsoever. So I say we barge in tomorrow first thing, save Sirius and then we can start working things out together. For now.. Let's just call this a truce, shall we?' She held out her hand for Remus to shake but he was still too surprised by her words to take it.

She was right. Things weren't okay yet. And they had a lot of stuff to work out together. But putting it aside for this.. That was the mature things to do. And they were mature. He smiled half-heartedly as he realised what the right way of greeting Dora should've been those two days again. Slowly he rose from the table and walked around it to pull Dora from her seat and into a hug. It wasn't an awkward one. It was a strong hug. An understanding one.  
'I said some horrible things.' Remus whispered.  
'And I deserved every single one of them.' Dora said as she firmly hugged him. 'It took me some time to realise it but you were right about everything.'  
'Hardly. You _did_ change, Dora.' Remus mumbled and let go of Dora. They looked at each other and both of them could feel that there was, indeed, no longer the need to love or hate each other. That there was a chance to start all over. But this just with a wonderful little creature they shared.

'So. You actually have a plan or are we going to make it up along the way?'  
'Make it up along the way.' Dora said. 'I haven't changed _that _much.'

Then she pulled something out from under her robes.  
'You've got to be kidding me.' Remus mumbled.  
'Nope.' Dora said as she unfolded the piece of paper and enlarged it. 'Recognize it? This little piece of paper was the final crack of our marriage.'  
Remus stared down at the piece of paper, clearly recalling the moment Dora pulled it from the Death Eater's pocket but he never saw it again afterwards.  
'I found it in one of my trunks I so angrily packed after the mission. I thought I lost it along the way. Guess it comes back just in time, wouldn't you say.'  
'Just in time.' Remus gasped as he stared down.

It was a blueprint of Malfoy Manor.


	14. Chapter 14

**Just a short one. I can let them sit in that tent for hours but is that what you want?**

'The place is huge.' Dora frowned as her fingers followed hallways, piping and other lines on the map. _  
_'We'll never be able to figure out where he is without them noticing us.' Remus said, his hope sinking as they stared at all the rooms.. 'Do we need a plan?'  
'We both know working according to a plan is not going to work. I won't stick to it, that would annoy you, we'd get confused, stunned, killed, the whole caboodle.'  
'So what are you suggesting?' Remus asked.  
'I'm suggesting we throw in some of our amazing wand work, try not to hit each other and perhaps.. I could do something shapeshifting-ish. To confuse them. But we probably need to make a deal about that one. So let's call it a partial plan.'  
'What do you mean?'  
'Well. I could change myself into one of them Death Eaters to confuse them. But I wouldn't appreciate it if you'd accidently kill me thinking I actually was one.'  
'Not that bad.' Remus admitted, then tapped his finger on one of the blue prints. 'Let's put up a base, though. This _is_ Malfoy's house, so I doubt they use all of it for the Death Eaters.'  
'Good point. They are fancy peeps, so it's probably safe to assume they don't want lowlife companions around their bedrooms. I say that singles out the second floor.'  
'And the third.' Remus added. 'Because the mentioned lowlife would still have to pass their bedrooms. Privacy and stuff.'  
'Great. So it could either be ground level or the basement.'

As they stared at the blueprint, something dawned to Remus. Something that made him feel sick.  
'Dora..' He whispered as he sank down at the table.  
'What is it?' Dora said as she sat down next to him, placing her hand on his arm in a friendly gesture but pulled back, probably realising she wasn't completely ready for this yet.  
'If this goes awry..' Remus looked up in the piercing blue eyes that, despite the change of colour, resembled her cousin's so much.  
'Teddy could lose his parents.' She whispered, nodding. 'I know.'  
'Then why are we both here?'  
'Because this is bigger than that. This is bigger than us.. This is about our world, Remus.'  
'You prefer Teddy to grow up in a world without parents but at the same time without evil.'  
Dora nodded.  
'I guess that is selfish and immature as well, huh.'  
'No.' Remus shook his head. 'Teddy may disagree. Many others may. But I think this is the most selfless thing you've ever done. And I agree with you. I'd gladly give up my life if it meant I had died leaving a better world for Teddy.'

Dora's bitter smile turned into a slightly happier one. Then, slightly awkward, manlier and rougher than needed she padded Remus on the arm.  
'How about I make us some dinner. Wait for the right moment.'  
Remus made a face, recalling all the times Dora had burned.. pretty much everything.  
'How about _I_ make dinner and then we wait for the right moment.'  
Dora gave him a look but then smiled.  
'You never liked my cooking, did you.'  
'Not at all.'  
'Yeah.. I guess I knew that.'

And so Remus starting cooking them dinner. Somehow there was still some canned food in his backpack. It wasn't much and not as tasty as he would've liked, but it was good enough and they wouldn't be out here for weeks.. right? He just put the beans, mashed potatoes and something that was supposed to resemble canned meatballs on the plates when Dora returned from what seemed a stroll around the tent.

'The weather is quite good. How about we eat outside?'  
'Sure.'  
Remus handed her one of the plates and they sat down. A lazy sun trickled through the branches and leafs. It was nice indeed. Had the circumstances been different, this would've been a lovely day. He took a bite from the meatballs. It wasn't bad. He stared off in the distance. If anyone had told him two days ago that he would be sitting alongside his ex-wife this casually.. Well he wouldn't have laughed. He just wouldn't have believed it. And things just seemed right, now.  
He wondered if things would've been okay sooner if they hadn't parted in anger. If they had taken the time to talk about this.. But they'd probably never know.

'Regulus Black.' It came as out of nowhere for Dora as it did for him when the name rolled off his lips.  
'What?'  
'Change yourself to Regulus Black. He's Sirius' brother and I'm sure the sadistic bastards make sure he'll be there. I'd never kill him.'  
'I'm sure you've got a reason for that?'  
'I do.'  
'Alright. So we've got a partial plan.'  
'We should've brought the invisibility cloak.' Remus grumbled as he took another bite.  
'I took it.'  
Remus stared at Dora in awe and she shrugged.  
'I'm pretty awesome, you know. Despite my lack of a dick.'  
At that remark, Remus choked on his meatball, not sure whether to burst out laughing or be shocked.  
'I'm sorry, was that too soon?' Dora said but the grinned cheekily nevertheless.  
'I'd say it comes right in time.' Remus said, smiling back at her.

As they sat down and ate outside the tent, the weather wstill surprisingly nice and their food still too mushy, two people appeared from between the trees. One of them was an unknown one. The other was.. Fenrir Greyback.  
Remus and Dora exchanged glances. Remus knew she was thinking what he was thinking. As did Dora.  
'I think we just got a plan.' She said just before they jumped up, grabbed their wands from their pockets and ran through the protective charms, meatballs scattered and trampled across the grass.  
'STUPIFY.' 


	15. Chapter 15

**First of all, I´m not sure it would be possible for Dora to change shape and size this much. But for the story, let´s imagine it is :) **

'He's an ugly bastard, isn't he.' Dora said as she tugged on Fenrir's clothes to undress him. Neither he nor his companion had seen them coming. The blow of their spells had landed them in the bushes. Something that Remus was grateful for. He knew Dora wasn't strong enough to drag Fenrir away on her own and he was not willing to touch that man. He hadn't been this close to him in.. A very long time.  
'And he smells. Merlin. I'll need seventeen showers after this.'

Remus tried his best not to watch but his eyes got dragged to the scene nevertheless. It seemed as if Dora didn´t care about whom she was undressing. As if she didn´t know who this man was. But it were the little signs that told Remus she was just keeping up pretences to not make him feel any more uncomfortable. The tensed shoulders. The slightly higher voice than usual. He was grateful she did this. His eyes flickered to the almost undressed body for a moment. What he found startled him. He thought _he_ was scarred. This man was so.. So much more than that. It was a miracle he was still in one piece. For a moment he felt sorry for the man but quickly shook of that feeling as he realised it had been his own choice to live this way. He could´ve taken the path Remus went. But this man considered being a werewolf a blessing. Something he wanted to inflict on as many others as possible. And that sickened him.

He averted his eyes politely as Dora started undressing in the bushes and put on the ragged, ugly and smelling clothes. Sure, he had seen it before. But this was in a new light and it felt polite to not make it any more uncomfortable as possible. Dora was kind enough not to mention it.  
'I'm done.' She said as she neatly folded her own clothes and placed them in the bushes. 'No idea why I did that.' She smiled. 'You must have rubbed something off on me after all. Al right. Let's do this.'  
Her hands were formed into fists as she took a close look on Fenrir and then made a face as if she was concentration to the limit. Which she might as well could've been.  
Remus watched in awe as Dora slowly changed into the man he dreaded so much. It was incredible how far her talent stretched. Sure. He knew she could change her appereance as she pleased. New haircut, other eyes, bigger breasts. It was all a possibility. But this.. This was pure Polyjuice Potion. The details..

'Are you okay?' Dora asked, her soft voice sounding odd from those chapped lips. She reached out one hand to comfort Remus but he backed away.  
'No. Not like this.' He shook his head. 'It's too real.'  
'Sorry.' She said, cocking her head. 'But I guess it worked, then?' She shook her arms a bit to get used to them. She was a lot bigger than usual. Bigger and broader.  
´I´m not sure how long I can hold this.´ She breathed. ´This asks a lot from me.'  
'We should probably keep going, then.'  
'Yes. Here.' She dug into a little pocket she strapped around her waist, underneath the clothes and pulled out a large piece of shiny fabric. 'Didn't take Potter would appreciate it if it got lost along the way so I thought I'd keep it there.'  
Remus raised his eyebrows as he stared at the tiny bag she pulled it from.  
'Undetectable extension charm.'  
'I'm impressed.' Remus admitted as he carefully took the cloak from her, sure not to touch those hands. Before putting it on, he turned towards the bushes, watching the naked man lying there.

You could do it. You know. Have your revenge.' Dora whispered and Remus closed his eyes so her voice wouldn't be coming from that fowl mouth.  
'Wouldn't that make me as bad as them?' He whispered back, fighting the urge to actually do it.  
'Perhaps.'

Remus stared at the man a little longer. He could end it. Just kill the man and save the world a lot of pain. Wasn't that why he was willing to die for Teddy? To make sure there'd be one less man like this walking this planet? But killing someone.. He'd never done that before, nor was he planning to.

He settled for something else as he whipped out his wand and mumbled the words. They watched as the man in front of him slowly turned into a caterpillar.  
'Seriously? You want that may to live out his days as a caterpillar and possibly a pretty little butterfly?'  
Remus shrugged.  
'He can't harm anyone this way. And perhaps, before he dies, some kid will have a _good_ experience looking at him. And I can't feel guilty for turning something as awful as him into something as innocent as a butterfly.'  
Dora, still the spitting image of the man that was now a butterfly, shook her head.  
'You have a gentle heart, Remus.  
'So I've been told.'  
'It's really unbelievable that someone as good as you can be such an arse sometimes.'  
Remus' lips curled into a smile at her remark. Spark by spark something they used to have, way before their marriage, was starting to ignite again. It was true, he could be one annoying arse. But his smile disappeared when he laid eyes upon her again.

'Can we please continue? I've never wanted to see the real you more than right now.'  
'Ever the romantic.' She said, smiling a kind smile that looked awfully misplaced on the ugly, scarred face.

'We've got to do something about your voice.' Remus realised, averting his gaze from the ugly face.  
'Right.' Dora said and she frowned. Then she pointed her, or his, finger at Remus. 'Remember the time I tripped and my expelliarmus curse accidentally hit Shacklebolt in the throat? He wasn't capable of speaking for hours.'  
'You want me to do that to you? That could be dangerous.'  
'No thanks. But I'll try and keep my mouth shut. Surely they'll ask and I'll grunt a bit and point to my throat or something. Sure he isn't that important.'  
'Good point.' Remus nodded.  
'Good. Just one less thing to do, then.' Dora said as she pulled her own wand out of the little bag one last time and pointed it at her face. When Remus realised what she was about to do and lunged forward to stop her, the words had already left her mouth and the mean, white streak her wand. She hissed as it hit her cheek and left a gruesome looking mark.  
'Doesn't that hurt.' Remus asked, not believing she just did that to herself.  
'Fuck yes.' She hissed, gently tapping it with her hand to make sure it was there. 'But no one would believe someone as foul as him would lose a companion without a fight, surely.'  
'That's true.'  
'So. Put on your cloak. We've got a Black to rescue.'  
Dora, looking so much like Fenrir, started walking. Remus shot one last glance around him before wrapping himself in the cloak and disappearing, following the bigger and deeper than usual footsteps Dora left in the mud.

**Footnote: I see more and more people are favouring and following this story. Thank you so much! But I would love your reviews, so much! Should I threatening you guys into leaving some, hmm? How about.. At least fifty reviews by the end of the story or one of these three is going to die. Hmm? Hmm? Cruel. I know. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Help! I can't stop writing! Aaargh. I just so absolutely love the flow this story has right now. I can't help myself haha. I think it's be about four or five more chapters? Or six.. Or seven. Depends on how you guys inspire me and how things will go!**

They were walking through the woods. Dora had a hard time trying to get used to the extent of her transformation. Every now and then she would stumble. Once she even fell. Remus wished he could've helped her up but he was still getting used to walk behind a friendly version of Fenrir and still felt as if the man could turn around and attack him at every moment. The only thing calming down were the words Dora muttered every now and then, assuring him it was _her_.  
'We better hurry op.' She mumbled, looking vaguely over her shoulder to where Remus was supposed to be. 'I'm not sure how long I will be able to hold this. Plus I can't hold my wand in my hand so I'd need time to pull it from the bag. Talking about that.'  
She stopped suddenly and Remus almost bumped into her. She dug her hand in the bag an pulled out a wand.  
'From Fenrir's companion. I think they may have taken Sirius' wand so you should probably give him this one. We need all the help we can get.'  
Remus reached out from underneath the cloak and took the wand. He tucked it safely in his pocket, feeling the wood press against his thigh.

They kept walking for a couple of minutes, Dora slowly getting used to her new body and moving more swift every now and then. Remus whispered some hints to make it more realistic.  
'You are walking too straight. He's animalistic. Walks like a wolf even when he isn't want.'  
He watched how Dora pulled her shoulders up a bit.  
'That's it.' He complimented but stopped walking, as did Dora, when a large house came in sight. Malfoy Manor. Those people were filthy rich.

'Alright.' Dora whispered. 'After this, no more talking. I'm not going to keep an eye out for you. I just assume you are going to be around me all the time. It'll be suspicious if I keep walking around. Let's go through our not exactly plan one last time. I'll see if I can find a way to get to Sirius. You follow me. We find a way to free him and blast the shit out of that place.'  
'We will stick to the ground floor and the cellar.' Remus added. 'No going upstairs. Narcissa has a kid Harry's age and I don't want to risk his life.'  
Dora snorted.  
'It's not his fault he was born in this family.' Remus said sternly.  
'Right. Sorry.' Her apology sounded sincere.  
'Either way. That's the plan. Get there, get him, get out.' Dora said. Then she looked into the potential area of Remus' whereabouts again. 'We have to act as fast as possible. There is no time to be shocked of whatever state we find him in. Alright?'  
'I understand.' Remus said, feeling as if something cold clamped his heart. He never really thought about him. It was such an abstract situation that he kind of assumed it would go the way Dora described it. In, save him, out. But now he got thinking about his dream again. How battered and tortured Sirius looked in the chair. How Dora looked like Dora.. But surely he wasn't psychic. Sirius was going to be okay. They were going to save him and they were going to get out of there. Everything was going to be alright. It had to be. He couldn't lose Sirius. He wouldn't have it. It was not going to happen. Tomorrow, he would be home again. Safe and sound, waking up next to Sirius. They'd be together. Together. God damn it!

He took a deep breath to calm himself as he felt his heartbeat rise. This was not the time to get angry and upset. There was no time for that. He had to be rational, practical Remus this time. Emotions were not going to make things batter.  
'Let's go.' He whispered and Dora nodded.  
With a faster pace they now walked up to the mansion and the closer they got, the more Dora got into her role. She started limping a bit. Grunting a bit. Looking like a man that had been in a fight. She hit her fist tot the brick wall next to the gate hard enough to make her knuckles bleed.  
Then she walked through the gate, Remus making sure he was close behind her.

It appeared as if protective spells were turned up as well. As soon as they walked through, the door opened and two armed Death Eaters walked out, wand at the ready. Remus held his breath, but Dora.. She played her part perfectly. She stumbled towards one of the Death Eaters, grabbing him by the collar. The clothes did their part and the man made a face at the stench.  
'Back away!' The other shouted but Dora, he should probably refer to her as Fenrir now, shook her head. He pointed his bleeding hand in a frustrated gesture towards the woods, then inside the house.  
'What are you talking about.' The man asked and Fenrir just grunted deeply, now gesturing towards his face, the woods and again to the house. Remus felt his heartbeat rise again. They _had_ to come in. And he promised Dora to stay close so he couldn't just slip in. Could he? Just when he thought perhaps he should, another figure came out. A lady in a black dress with black curls and a maniacal smile of her face.  
'What does that _beast_ want.' She spat. 'Where's the other guy?'  
Fenrir pointed to the woods again, moving a finger over his throat, then pointing to his cheek.  
'Is it the Order?' The woman, Remus recognized her as Bellatrix, asked, a excited look on her face. 'Have they come for their little puppet?'  
Fenrir nodded.  
'Is he there too, the half-blood?'  
Fenrir nodded again and Bellatrix jumped up and down in excitement like a grotesque kid.  
'Ooh I want to play with the wolfie! Imagine what I could do to him! I want to play with him!'  
She told Fenrir to get in with a move of her hand and he followed, along with the two other Death Eaters and Remus.  
'Hurry op!' She told her and pushed on of the Death Eaters with her wand, hard. 'We have to be prepared when the little traitors come to play.'

The doors closed with a loud bang. They were in. So far, so good.


	17. Chapter 17

With a pounding heart Remus closely followed Dora, just in time before some very foul smelling Death Eater closed the door behind him. None of the Order had ever made it this close to the headquarters of the Death Eaters. At least not voluntarily. He wondered how Dora felt. For the first time in his life he regretted not putting more effort in learning Occlumency. He wanted to do something to make sure she was okay but there was nothing he could do. Plus, any attempt to contact her would put this mission in peril. All they could do was go on.

'They are here, they are here, they are here!'  
Remus gritted his teeth as Bellatrix danced into the living room, her skirts whipping around her as she twirled. The woman disgusted her. She could've been so beautiful but her craziness made her the creepiest creature he had ever seen. Even more than Fenrir, perhaps, for he had a reason to be the way he was.  
'I _knew_ they'd come for their little traitor. Can I play with him? _Please?'  
_'You can't. Our Lord said you can't because you have no restraint when it comes to.. Playing.' It was Lucius Malfoy, bowing over a large map on an even larger, richly decorated table. Remus wanted to lunge forward and pull his perfectly blonde hair. The man had been decent back in school. Reasonable. But as so many others he had chosen the wrong path. And somewhere, that was okay. People made choices, influenced by family and friends. But he had taken it one step too far when he offered his house to keep Sirius captive.  
'I can!' Bellatrix pouted.  
'No, you can't.' The annoyingly handsome man said.  
'No I can't.' Bellatrix admitted as she started dancing through the room again. 'But I can play with the wolfie! The Dark Lord said I could. Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? I'm not!' And she continued her dance, cackling, not noticing the annoying look Malfoy shot her.  
Instead he shot a glance at Fenrir, the disgust clear on his face.  
'Where is the other guy.' He asked. Again, Dora moved a finger across her throat and Malfoy rolled his eyes. 'Nothing works out if you don't do it yourself.'  
He motioned towards the map.  
'This is their usual hide-out.' He pointed at a large, circled area and Remus' stomach turned. They knew where they were hiding? As quiet as he could, he moved over to the table and glanced at the map, relief washing over him. It wasn't their usual hiding spot. Not even close.  
He had to remember to thank James for his idea to set off an alarming spell that one time, about half a mile from their actual hiding spot. They fell for it.

Dora came closer, too. Grunting a bit and nodding her head, she pointed one finger to the circled spot.  
'Seriously? They are stupid enough to think we haven't found out yet and use it _again._' Lucius tapped the spot with his wand twice. 'Did the Order Members get away?'  
Dora shook her head, earning herself a strange look from Malfoy.  
'I now you are nothing more than a beast but I thought you could talk. What happened.'  
Before Dora had a chance to explain, Bellatrix came dancing past them.  
'Some stupid bloodtraitor hit him in the throat! Missed! Idiots!' And she was off again, jumping in her insane moment of ectasy. Lucius rolled his eyes again, clearly not pleased with his sister-in-law. Where was his wife, anyway?  
'Will we find the Ordermembers there?'  
Dora nodded.  
'Unconsious?'  
Dora nodded her head again, Lucius following her example.  
'Excellent. Unfortunately we're rather short on people at this moment. But seeing Narcissa is visiting her mother with Draco, there is no harm in me leaving the house. Bella!' His bellowing voice made Bellatrix stop her dancing and stare at him with het maniacal orbs.  
'We've got an opportunity to get our self some more prisoners. You come with me. If the wolf is with them, you can do with him what you want.' He whipped his wand and caught the fancy cloak flying his way.

'You go play with the kid.' Lucius motioned his slender hand towards a door. 'You're the one who found him after all. Rookwood, go with him. Make sure he doesn't batter the kid up too much. His daddy wants him back in one piece. But a little fun won't harm our cause.'  
Dora, still looking so much as Fenrir, started moving in the direction Rookwood was going but Lucius stopped him. For a moment Remus' breath got stuck in his throat. Lucius wasn't stupid. Had he realised this wasn't Fenrir? Was he too polite? Still standing to straight? Should he have given Dora a kick in the legs in the forest? But it turned out that wasn't the case.  
'Hang on. Take the kid. Sure he'd like to see his brother again.' And with that Lucius forced Bellatrix out of he room, leaving him, Dora and some Rookwood guy. Remus felt as if his heartbeat kept elevating. Was Lucius really falling for it? Was Dora _that_ good?

It didn't hit him what Lucius had said afterwards until a pale faced boy erupted from the shadows with a look as if he hadn't slept in days. It was Regulus Black. Right now, Remus' heart stopped beating altogether. He had been right. Regulus was there. And not only that. Lucius wanted him to watch while Fenrir would torture his brother. It was a cruel fate to be a Black, no matter on what side you were..

Rookwood opened the door, motioning Fenrir to go through. Regulus followed swiftly after. His arm brushed past the cloak and Remus had to grab on to it to prevent it from falling. Regulus turned around and Remus hastily stepped back to make sure he was out of his reach. For a moment he wondered whether Regulus had seen a bit of foot or elbow but the boy continued walking. It wasn't until he started closing the door that Remus realised _he_ was supposed to be on the other side of the door as well. He looked around. No one seemed to be left on this side. Surely he could listen until they'd all left to go wherever Sirius was and then open the door. That was safer than rushing in now, risking a full-body collision with Regulus..

But as his mind was racing to make up a plan, he caught sight of Regulus closing the door ever so slowly. When he carefully stepped closer he saw how the boy shot a glare over his shoulder and then returned his gaze back to the room. Better, to the spot where he had brushed the cloak. As if he knew, as if he hoped, his fingers softly slipped from the door and he walked away, just before it closed. A gap big enough for a not too fat a man to fit through. A man like Remus..

As he waited for Regulus to appear around the corner, he snuck through the small opening, hoping this wasn't a trap.. He had to find Sirius.


	18. Chapter 18

**Another chappie! It's getting very very serious now. Somehow I absolutely love this chapter, mostly because of the little emotional revelation Remus has. But I love the one after the next one even more! But you'll just have to wait for that one don't you.. Be nice and review, the faster it'll be there!**

**Thanks to RavenclawWitch18 for pointing out some stupid mistakes so here is the altered version!**

With the cloak still wrapped closely around him, Remus followed the voices through the dark corridor. It felt nothing like the rest of the house. It didn't have the _sophistication._ There was no lighting, ,the only light flickering vaguely in the distance by the _Lumos_ Rookwood and Regulus had cast. Dora didn't have one. Fenrir wasn't allowed a wand, being the beast he was. Despite the fact he hated the man, it still angered him. What was the ridiculous thought a werewolf shouldn't be allowed a wand? He himself was a wizard, wasn't he? And he was a good man. Plus, how on earth was he supposed to use a wand during his transformations, the moments he _was_ evil? To pick his teeth with? He'd probably snap the thing before he'd be able to produce an inch of magic with it. His fingers tightened around his own wand. It was sickening, people trying to decide what was best for those they deemed lesser then themselves.

As he got lost in angry thought, the light moved further away from him. The corridor starting to feel more and more like one leading to a dungeon. The bumpy, stony floor didn't match the manor one bit. It became uneven, slippery. He had to walk twice as slow as the others to make sure he wouldn't slip and fall in this darkness, giving away his position. Perhaps it was safe to _Lumos_ underneath the cloak but he was too afraid to try. Hadn't he done that before? He couldn't remember. His fear and longing for a happy ending started to cloud his judgment. Instead he focused on the voices as he stepped ever so carefully through the further darkening corridor that was starting to smell rotten and damp.

'Remember.' Rookwood's voice echoed against the cold stone walls and Remus had to hold on to that same wall to prevent himself from tumble over. The sudden loud voice had startled him. 'You can play with him but don't harm him too much. Don't touch his face. He is still the Black heir and he needs to be pretty. His parents like him to remain pretty for social occasions.'  
Remus balled one fist and had a hard time restraining himself from hitting a wall. _His parents._ They were in on this. They seriously were. They would let Fenrir torture Sirius, just for fun, as long as the left him pretty? Those people were sick. Fucking sick! He took a deep breath. A broken hand was the last thing he needed right now. Nevertheless he wondered whether they chose Fenrir on purpose. Was this their last resort to change his mind about werewolves? Were they trying to traumatize him so he could never look at Remus in the same light again? That he wasn't a gentle man that loved him but a horrid creature that hurt him? Took advantage? _Don't hit the wall, Lupin. It makes no difference. You are a bright person. Keep it that way._

'Oh, and no private parts. He needs to produce more Blacks. So leave _that_ intact too. Even if the halfblood monster had his way with it. No offense. Well. Offense. What do I care.' Rookwood laughed at what he probably thought was a rather smart joke. Remus heard Fenrir growl in what could be assumed was agreement but he knew Dora well enough to hear the anger and disgust in that sound. Regulus made no sound but Remus guessed he was still there. Poor boy. Remus could imagine so vividly how frustrated he must feel. It was his brother locked in there, about to be tortured. Perhaps they weren't as close as they used to be, but Remus remembered the stories Sirius told him after the full moon every now and then, to make him forget about his pain. Sirius and Regulus, the mischievous little brothers. They used to be so close.. Oh how things could change. How character or fear could define the path one would choose.  
He told himself that, if they made it back to the Order in one piece, he had to show Sirius the little event with the door to this corridor. If it wasn't a trap that was. Because of that moment had been sincere.. Then even someone as stubborn as Sirius had to admit there was still good in his brother.

There was the sound of a door being opened in the distance. The screeching echoed through the hall, followed by footsteps walking down what sounded like a stone staircase. Again there was no sound of a door closed, just voices that softly withered as they entered a room lower than the hallway. The lights no longer moved but erupted from a room at the right side of the corridor. He walked a little faster this time, closer to the room and voices. Sirius could be in there. Sirius.. He felt his heartbeat elevate even more and wondered whether, if everything turned out for the best, he'd still have a heart left by the time they got back home safely. Sirius. Sirius. Sirius. The name repeated in his head over and over again. He wanted to say it out loud so bad but he as afraid the name wouldn't feel the way it did. Right now it felt like the name of someone that very possibly would never want to see him again.

'Well hello there, pretty boy.' It was Rookwood. Remus came closer and heard knees crack as someone, he assumed Rookwood, kneeled. 'Guess what. We heard someone is looking for you. Just as we planned. Hmm.' A soft sound Remus couldn't place and a muffled reply. Remus felt as if someone took a hold of his heart and squeezed it hard. Was that Sirius? Was he gagged? Why was he gagged? He needed that voice to reach him so he knew things were alright. There had not been a moment he had longed more for Sirius' voice than this very moment. Not one morning, evening or moment they shared their bed. He took another few steps until he reached the top of the staircase. There were a bunch of candles hovering at the bottom of the staircase, causing for a warm light to spread in a room that seemed to be covered with a layer of hay. How very medieval. For a moment Remus wondered whether the candles would cast a shadow behind him if he'd passed them, then shook his head. What on earth would the use of an invisibility cloak be if you'd still cast a shadow? The fear was starting to make him stupid. This better be over soon.

As quiet as possible he started walking down the staircase. Feet came in sight. Fenrir and what he guessed was Regulus. Then the lover half of a kneeling Rookwood and a chair with a man tight to it. A man with black skinny jeans and red trainers. The clothes Sirius had been wearing the day they parted in anger. He was there. It was real and it was true. Sirius was there. His boyfriend, his lover, the only person he ever truly longed for what right there. The man he feared he would never see or hear or touch again.

He almost had a breakdown as he sank down and sat on the cold stone, burying his head in his hands. He needed this little moment. Ever since he learned Sirius had gone missing things had been a haze. Dora had taken him away. They had made up some sort of plan and then all of a sudden they had to act on it as the perfect opportunity came up. There had been no time to think. No time to take in the full severity of the situation. And no he was here, so close. His heart ached as it had never done before. He wanted to run down this staircase, kneel down before Sirius and tell him how much he loved him. How much he_ truly_ loved him. Something, he knew now, he had never done before.  
He wanted to storm down there and just.. do something to Rookwood but he couldn't. He had no idea how Regulus would respond. Or whether there were still others in the mansion that would respond to the sounds. Or whether there were people guarding the prison.  
Remus pressed his hands again his eyes, trying not to cry. This was not the time.. He had to pull away his hands. He had to look up. He had to face Sirius and make sure he was alright but he couldn't. What if he looked up and the boy no longer resembled the fiery lover he knew? Could he live with that? Would he blame himself forever? He took a deep but soft breath as he slowly removed his hands, only to find Rookwood now standing and blocking his view.

'Let's get this over with.' The man said as he leaned over Sirius and moved his hands somewhere around his head. ' I bet you like to hear him scream.' Rookwood said as he leaned forward and pulled what seemed a cloth from the bound man's mouth. Then he stepped back and Remus' heart skipped a literal and painful beat. It was Sirius. Eyes shooting fire and his curls looking nothing like the soft curls they usually were. But it was Sirius. And he was alive.


	19. Chapter 19

Remus walked down the stairs and with every step more of his lover came in sight. His clothes were dirty but in one piece and not stained with blood. That was a start. His face, though, made Remus want to cry. His lip was bleeding, his nose clearly broken and not yet healed, some of the blood crusty, some fresh. One of his eyes was swollen and there was a cut in his eyebrow. Remus had to keep himself from running towards him and healing the wounds on that otherwise gorgeous face with all his strength. He silently prayed they weren't caused by curses. If they had damaged him for good.. He wasn't a violent man but destroying the most beautiful thing on earth, that was a sin.  
Though, of course, most of the (originally intended) people in this room thought _he_ was the sinner for.. For being in love with this man. For a moment Remus wondered whether this all had been a trap. His original thought had been that they abducted Sirius to take him back to his family. But no one was surprised the order came to rescue him. What if it was a way to punish Remus for what he had done for the precious full-blood heir? All of a sudden he felt very uncomfortable. Almost trapped and not at all that sure anymore he would make it out alive.

Something cold crept through his body as the sudden visions of his nightmares shot before his eye. He had had those for almost an entire year and they were always the same, more of less. Sirius tight to a chair. Dora in peril. Him being hit with a spell. What if.. What if this was this moment? Not that he believed in psychic stuff. That was ridiculous, ungrounded and sheer coincidence... Right?  
He froze in his movement. The dungeon was large, incredibly large, and seemed to stretch out further behind Sirius than the light could show. There was no saying there would be an exit so running that way would be a mistake. It was safest to make sure he would be close to the stairs in case things got awry. That way he'd have the best position, being able to keep an eye on both sides. After all, they weren't sure there wouldn't be more Death Eaters around. He quietly wished Dora had given the map to the Order when they first got it. Perhaps he and James could've worked their way on it and get some revealing spells on it. Showing where people were. Remus was convinced their minds combined could have done that. Especially with Sirius' wit. He and James were a magnificent duo and that definitely would've made this possible. Now, everything was just a guess.

He took a deep but silent breath. There was no plan, but he was going to make one for himself anyway. He'd carefully go to Sirius and find a way to communicate with him without freaking Sirius out. There had to be a way to do that. If he succeeded he could free him from his bonds and slip him the wand from Fenrir's companion. It wouldn't give him his usual talent but it would probably be good enough to escape.

Then he'd make his way back to the stairs as fast as possible. They just had to get Rookwood out of the way and do something about Regulus. Oh fuck. And he had to make sure Sirius knew Fenrir was Dora. Knowing what he did to Remus, Sirius would probably attack him first. That had been a stupid decision. This is why no good came of not planning! Why did he let Dora talk him into that! And now he was here in this creepy room. He didn't like it one bit. It was dark, smelled like blood and was incredibly dusty. Something Remus hadn't anticipated and before he could stop himself, he sneezed. Something an invisibility cloak, unfortunately, didn't camouflage.  
He saw how Regulus stiffened but didn't move. Dora and Rookwood, however, spun on their heels and Sirius' head shot up. Rookwood gave Regulus a deep frown and Remus kept his breath when the boy opened his mouth.


	20. Chapter 20

'Apologies. It is incredibly dusty in here.' Regulus waved his hand and Remus' heart skipped a beat. So Regulus _did_ know. He knew the kid wasn't all bad. He was giving them a chance to free Sirius. Fuck. Now he _really_ couldn't ruin it.  
'That was a very manly sneeze.' Rookwood growled, keeping his wand at the ready and eyeing around the dungeon to find the true culprit. Remus held his breath as Rookwood seemed to look him straight in the eye. He was still wearing the cloak, wasn't he? He carefully eyed Regulus, hoping the boy wouldn't change his mind but the boy just raised one sarcastic eyebrow that made him look more like Sirius than Remus ever realised. Not as ridiculously handsome, but it came quite close with this cocky attitude.  
'Oh, excuse me. It must have been the staircase, then.'  
Remus couldn't suppress a smile. This kid was so much more like his big brother than anyone at the Order, including Sirius, gave him credit for.

'And what exactly is this.' Regulus continued, taking away all the attention from the sneeze as he motioned towards his brother. 'I though my parents made it clear they didn't want him to be harmed. This is uncalled for.'  
'It's your father's doing, though.' Rookwood grinned. 'It's not cursed. It'll heal and our boy will be as pretty as he used to be.'  
Regulus' mouth formed into a thin line.  
'I seel. Well. Continue then.' But his voice betrayed he wasn't pleased at all. And it was only now that Remus noticed he wasn't the only one who knew what was going on. More or less. Sirius hadn't responded to any of the conversation, nor to the mention or his wounds or him being pretty again.  
His eyes weren't as stormy and fierce as usual but flicked from Regulus to the staircase behind him in confusion. His brow formed a frown and he seemed to get more agitated by the minute. It seemed as if he, too, doubted it was Regulus that sneezed. Remus frowned too. Would one recognize the way his lover sneezed? A sound so.. little?

He wanted to pull his hair in confusion but the fear that the cloak would slip off stopped him. This was getting more confusing by the minute. How could he show Sirius he was there? How could he tell Sirius and Dora to not harm Regulus? How on earth were they going to solve this. Rookwood's voice, filled with too much pleasure to his liking, filled the air again.  
'Greyback.' He snapped his fingers. Remus could see Dora wasn't pleased to be summoned this way but almost sighed in relieve when she responded anyway. 'Don't harm him to much. And no biting. But scare our little pup a bit, will you.' He grinned. A fowl, mean grin. 'Show him not all werewolves do things he seems to see as.. fun.'

Remus felt anger burn inside him with that statement. What were they trying to do? Get Sirius to hate werewolves? They couldn't do that. Could they? No.. Sirius would never fall for that. Right? Doubt started to form in his gut. Voldemort hadn't come where he was because of his sweet words and candy. He knew how to manipulate people. How to frighten them into believing him. What if they found a way to break Sirius? Could they break Sirius?  
His heart started beating mad as he watched Dora approaching his boyfriend. It wasn't until she was about a feet in front of him that Sirius decided to let his confusion of the sneeze for what it was and he eyed what he thought was Fenrir with great anger.

_Yes._ Remus thought. _That's the fire I know. He's still there. He'll be fine. _He quietly walked past Regulus and Rookwood and took place a few feet behind Sirius' chair, ready to attack of whatever turned out to be the best decision. For a moment he thought Sirius heard him shuffle through the hay when he past the chair and Sirius' head had moved ever so slightly to the left, where he passed.

Then something he hadn't foreseen happened. Something Dora hadn't told him, accidental or not. She made some odd movement with her hand. It seemed as if she was just shaking the sleeve from her hand from where Regulus and Rookwood were standing but Remus could clearly make out some odd symbol she made with her fingers. Remus wasn't sure what it was supposed to be but he noticed how Sirius tensed. Not in the fiery way he had before but more alert, awaiting. Whatever it was Dora did, he understood. Every so subtle but slowly he moved his head to the left again, this time trying to look behind him in a way that could be interpreted as diverting his head. As if he was looking for.. For him. Sirius knew he was there. This was it. The moment they all had been waiting for.

There was only one thing he could think of. He reached in his pocket to take his own wand and the one from Fenrir's companion. As soft as he could, Remus walked to the back of Sirius' chair. There was no one there so with a bit of luck no one could see what was going on. All he could do was hope Sirius was sensible enough to understand what was going on. Without hesitation Remus kneeled and took, in one swift movement, a firm hold of Sirius' wrist at the moment Dora, still looking like Fenrir, lunged forward to startle Sirius. No one could tell something else made him attempt to jump from his chair.

Remus softly whispered the spell and the ropes broke. He caught them, tucking them in his pocket with one hand while holding Sirius' wrists in place with the other. The skin felt so good against his hands that his stomach ached. There had been a moment he never thought to be this close to Sirius ever again. He just needed to find out how to make sure Sirius knew it was him and that they were here to safe him..

As if he could read his mind, Sirius finally opened his mouth.

'You can torture me as much as you want. If you think I'll spill anything about the order, you are wrong. And _Remus_ is not coming after me. I made him promise.'  
Remus' heart skipped a beat. The moment Sirius emphasised his name, one of the hands he held squeezed his wrist, the only thing it could reach, hard. As if he knew exactly who was holding his hands. Sirius couldn't be sure, could he? Or perhaps..

_'I love how your hands feel in mine. Or around mine. Or near mine. Anything. It's a perfect fit.'  
'My hands aren't glass slippers.' Remus complained mockingly.  
'Oh no.' Sirius shook his head. 'Fuck glass slippers. We've got the real deal here.' He snuggled a little closer. 'Why don't you put those hands to good use.' Sirius mumbled as he placed his hands above his head, crossed. 'Make me yours.'_

Sirius told him so often how much he loved Remus' hands. Big hands with long, slender fingers and tons of tiny, silvery scars. Could it be that Sirius recognized his touch in an instant? Automatically their fingers laced for a short moment before Remus took the wand they took from Fenrir's companion and put it in Sirius' hand, squeezing his hand shut around it. Impulsively he stroked his thumb across the pale skin before letting go.


	21. Chapter 21

**Hi there! Another update! Fast, I know, but we're nearing the end and I just don't want to stop writing! I loooove this story, so much. Almost as much as the first part. Almost.**

**I had a request to make a chapter with the rest of the flashback that I posted in the previous chapter. More people up for that? Either way.. Read and enjoy. Had a hard time keeping it dry myself with this chappie..**

**Love you guys! Thanks for reading, favourites and reviewing. Give me more of the reviewing!**

'You made him promise? When? Right before or after you ran out of a fight with that beast?' Rookwood spat. Then he leaned forward, so close their noses almost touched. 'He is here, isn't he. The monster that blemished a pureblood by shoving his cock up his contrarious ass. He's here to rescue his disgusting little puppy.'  
Remus felt anger rush through he. Gods. He wanted to walk up to Rookwood and just.. punch him in the face! That would be so satisfying. And dangerous, unfortunately. Luckily he wasn't the only one with that though. For a moment it seemed as if Sirius leaned backwards to escape Rookwood but instead he lunged forwards with such force that Rookwood fell flat on his arse when their skulls collided.  
A proud smile formed on Remus' lips. That was _his_ boyfriend. Sirius the Unbreakable and always Gorgeous. Unfortunately Rookwood quickly regained from his surprise and decided to repay the crash with a non-magic act of revenge. He walked up to Sirius, raised his hand and gave him a flat handed smack in his face but Sirius didn't respond to it and Rookwood turned on his heels with a frustrated shout and motioned Fenrir to take over but Fenrir, still Dora but Rookwood had still no clue, didn't feel like it.

'What is your problem? Lost your appetite? Angry another wolfie beat you to it?'  
None of that, apparently, but Dora _did_ show a magnificent piece of Black pride when her fist flung through the air to hit him in the face. Unfortunately she wasn't used to her longer limbs yet and her fist missed Rookwood's face, hitting him with her arm instead. Not very impressive.  
'What on earth do you think you are doing!' He bellowed as he stormed towards her. It was an unusual sight to see Fenrir back away from someone like this and Remus would've found it funny if it hadn't been, in fact, the mother of his child.  
Rookwood raised his wand.

'If the Dark Lord hears you're switching sides.. He's not going to be pleased.' The tip of his wand started glowing, ready to attack. 'Are you falling in love with him too, is that it? Does he have some odd smell that drives werewolves horny? You could've had him, you know. He's besmirched anyway. But this behaviour is unacceptable.'  
In a flash Remus felt something odd glow inside of him. The dream.. Was this the dream? The moment he would jump in front of Dora and save her life at the expensive of his own life? He lips pursed. That was plain cruel. He hadn't even had a chance to look Sirius in the eye one last time. But he couldn't let Dora die just because of that..

He took a step forward, ready to cast off the cloak. Ready to leave his son behind with stories of how his father died a hero. But then something happened he hadn't participated. Sirius jumped up from his chair, wand at the ready. But as he spoke, another voice echoed through the air and it almost sounded like an echo itself.  
'Stupefy!'  
'Stupefy!'  
The force that hit Rookwood, he never saw it coming, had a huge impact on his body and it twirled through the air ungraciously before hitting a wall. He fell down and landed unconscious like a grotesque heap of limbs. When Remus finally was convinced Rookwood wouldn't jump up any time soon he relocated his gaze to his lover. Sirius was standing, tall and proud and beautiful but still pointing his wand at his brother. And Regulus wasn't lowering his either.

'Sirius, don't.' His voice boomed through the dungeon. With a swift movement he removed the cape from his head so he was nothing more than a floating head. It probably looked ridiculous but James would never forget him if he accidently dropped and left the cloak here.  
'Remus..' Sirius whispered. Remus could feel Sirius wanted to turn around but hesitated turning his back on his brother too. And so he took a few steps until he was standing next to Sirius. He could see his boyfriend smirk as he saw Remus' head approach.  
'Really? My life is in danger and all you bring is your head?' But there was no fun in his voice. Remus nudged him with his shoulder.  
'Shut is smartypants.' Remus said as he freed one of his arms from under the cloak, firmly holding his wand and ticking against Sirius' wand with it as a sign to lower it.

'I'm not going to hurt you.' This time it was Regulus and in a reflex Sirius straightened his wand arm again towards his brother but Regulus tucked his wand in his pocket and raised his arms in the air. 'I just want you to get out of here. Stun me and go, please.'  
Clearly taken aback by his brother's passive attitude Sirius raised his wand again.  
'It's a trap.' He said through gritted teeth.  
'It is not.' Regulus said. 'But I can't say how long before they return from their search.'  
'He's speaking the truth. It's our only chance.' Remus said as he took hold of Sirius' wrist and forced him to lower his wand. 'We have to go now.'  
The sudden aggressive movement shocked Sirius out of his anger and when he faced Remus, the latter could see something break in his eyes. Before he could say something Sirius lunged forwards but this time not to collide skulls. Instead he pressed a fierce kiss on Remus' lips. It was the best kiss they ever shared. In that one, rather short, touched of lips everything unsaid and promised came together and exploded. Half through it Sirius sank through his weakened legs and Remus caught him.

'You have to go. Please. I think they know it was a trick. There's no saying whether you'll come out of here alive. But please, at least try.'  
Regulus' voice brought them back to this reality and Remus carefully broke their kiss and nodded. Regulus was right. They had to leave. Now.

'Come with us.'  
Remus turned his head towards the boy leaning on his shoulder as he reached out to his brother with his question. Sirius' voice, the look in his eyes.. It was something Remus had never seen before. No matter how close they were or got, there was always some kind of guard Sirius was holding up. Now all of it was gone. This wasn't Sirius the unwilling heir. This was Sirius the big brother.  
'I can't.' Regulus said with a smile so soft and kind that, for a moment, Remus wondered whether they unknowingly entered and alternate universe in that short moment they kissed.  
'Why not? Just come with us. This is not your world, Regulus. We don't belong here.'

'_You_ don't belong here.' Regulus said and for a moment a bit of the pureblood, indoctrinated kid returned to the surface but he quickly shook his head. 'I'm sorry. You just don't understand. I can't.'  
'Why not! You don't have the mark yet, do you? You _have_ to come with us.'  
'You can no longer protect me, Sirius.'  
'Don't be ridiculous. I'm your big brother. I'll always protect you.'  
'You don't get it.' Regulus sighed, shaking his head.  
'What don't I understand! Tell me!' Sirius shouted.

'They are never going to let us live in peace if we both leave!'  
'They aren't going to leave me alone either!' Sirius protested.  
'Of course they will!' Regulus said, moving his hands in a frustrated gesture. 'They _have_ to come after you now to not lose face. But eventually they'll give up on you, because there will be another brother. Another heir to live on the family name and do as they bid. They'll see that, in this case, the easy way will eventually be the best way.'  
'No..' Sirius whispered.  
'Yes.' Regulus said, trying hard to not let his voice break. 'I cannot say that I understand this.' He motioned between Remus and Sirius. 'But you will always be big brother. You saved my hide millions of times. If this is how I can repay you, thank you, then I will.'  
'Regulus, you can't do this.'

'I can and I will. I have to.' Regulus said, placing one hand on Sirius' shoulder in a mature motion of comradeship. 'I'm not as strong as you. I wouldn't be able to withstand their questioning the way you did. It's for the best this way. Now. Don't let my actions here be of no use. That would be incredibly ungrateful. We may never see each other again but promise me you will fight for the good.'  
'Can we at least tell the Order you are good?' It sounded so childish, so broken that Remus wanted to break the moment and pull Sirius in a close hug but he decided not to.  
'You can't. Sometimes things have to stay a secret.'  
With that he moved his head towards Fenrir or Dora, who was standing there almost forgotten.  
'Your eyes are too kind. They may have noticed. I don't know who you are and it's best I don't. But thank you. It means a lot to me that you are here. Now.' He turned towards Sirius again. 'On of you guys has to stun me. It's for the best. It'll take a while for me to recover from that so hopefully we do not have to face each other in combat this time. And you get a chance to kill Bella..' He paused for a moment as he leaned in and whispered in Sirius' ear. 'Do it.'

**Yeah, so.. I never really like stories in which Regulus is completely understanding of Sirius' and Remus' relationship. Not just because he is indoctrinated by his family, people just have different opinions. But their brotherly love is stronger than that so.. I hope you like it as much as I do!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Nearing the eeeend! Well. You know. In like four chapters. Does anyone have ideas of what I missed out on so far? Something you really want to see? Or absolutely do not want to see.. Please let me know!**

Remus heard the whispering words but he didn't respond to it. This wasn't his moment. This was part, and probably the ending, of a world he didn't belong to. He watched how Regulus was about to back away to let them go but in a flash Sirius wrapped his arms around his brother and pulled him into a tight hug. If Regulus was taken aback by the act of intimacy, he didn't show it. He wrapped his arms around Sirius too and they stood there for a few seconds before they let go and stepped back. Back to being brothers with different lives. There was a half-smile on Regulus' lips.  
'I'm glad to see you are still capable of affection towards me. Promise me you'll think good of me and I'll promise I will not disappoint you.. In the end.'  
Sirius nodded and Remus realised he was fighting back to hold back his tears. He felt privileged to have witnessed what could very well be one of the most vulnerable moments his boyfriend had ever had. He noticed Regulus turned towards him and he relocated his gaze from his lover to his brother.  
'Remus. First of all, my sincere apologies about what happened a year ago. I had not anticipated it would turn out this way. If I had known you were actually taking proper care of my brother..'  
He silenced and Remus realised why. He couldn't say he wouldn't have done a thing because that was a lie. Nor could he say that he would've been okay with it. That, too, would have been a lie. But he heard the unspoken meaning.  
'Thank you.' He just said and Regulus nodded grateful.  
'Now.' Regulus continued. 'I know my brother wouldn't be capable of doing this so I would like to ask you to stun me. But there's something I need to do first.' He whipped out his wand again but not pointed it at any of them.

'Confringo.' He mumbled as he pointed it at the chair that exploded into hundreds of bits. 'Deprimo.' Pointing at the floor, the stairs and the wall. 'Crucio.' He pointed his wand at a spider, resting in his web and watched the creature trembled in pain for a while before putting his wand back in his pocket. Sirius was staring at his brother in confusion as was Dora who, once again, seemed to be forgotten. Remus, however, nodded.  
'Prior incantato.' He said.  
'Prior incantato.' Regulus said.  
If anyone would suspect Regulus of anything, this would take away at least part of the doubt.  
'Now do it.' Regulus ordered Remus as he stood tall and proud as the Black he was.  
Remus raised his wand and pointed it at Regulus' chest. He was young and strong. He'd survive it. But it still hurt Remus he had to do this. But he knew Regulus was right. They would eventually stop hunting Sirius down. But taking both the Black brothers.. That would ignite a whole new war. And honestly, Remus was quite done with wars at the moment.  
'Stupefy.'  
The words left his mouth before any of them had a change to think the situation over. It hit Regulus in the chest and he gracefully slid to the floor, unconscious. Leave it up to a Black to be sophisticated at all times..  
Sirius swallowed away his tears as he stared at his brother for a moment. Then he turned his head towards Remus with such force and fire in his eyes it frightened Remus for a moment when Sirius ran over to him. But just before him Sirius stopped, stared at him and then wrapped his arms around Remus' waist so carefully that he had a hard time not bursting into tears himself when Sirius' rested his head on his shoulder and pulled him as close as he could. Still quite a challenge seeing Remus was still wearing the cloak so Sirius disappeared half and was now nothing more than a head, back and legs. And not to forget one gorgeous though slightly dusty ass.  
'I'm so sorry.'

'Don't worry.' Remus said. 'Let's just get out of here alive, shall we.'  
'That sounds like a plan.' Sirius said as he quickly kissed Remus' neck and turned towards Fenrir. 'Isn't that getting exhausting? I guess this is what they call an unexpected turn of event, huh.'  
Remus watched as Dora slowly let her disguise slip and the ugly, battered face turned into the soft, heart shaped face with a horribly shocked expression on it.  
Her gaze flicked between Remus and Sirius and she looked as if she was about to burst in tears. Dora was one of action, not of feelings.  
'I don't know who I want to hug first!' She cried out as she pulled her wand from the little bag.  
'How about we make sure we get out of here and we make it a grouphug.' Sirius offered with a grin but his eyes shot fire. 'Cause if it's up to me, I won't spend a second longer than necessary in this shithole.'  
'Sounds like a plan.' Dora muttered, back to her old self. 'Sorry about that explosion of femininity. I'd appreciate if we never talk about that again.'  
'Deal.' Sirius gave his brother one last glare, untangled himself from underneath the cloak and was just about to put it back over Remus' head when the latter stopped him and took off the cloak.  
'You wear it.' He said as he wrapped it around Sirius' shoulders and saw the body disappear until just the head, still scratched and bleeding, was left. 'This is your rescue mission, remember. We need to keep you safe.'  
'Can't we fit under here altogether?' Sirius said as he moved his hands around the cloak to determine the space. 'No.. I guess not. Just be safe, okay. I'm afraid Ill have to kill you if you get killed and we can't at least have one last shag. Sorry.' He apologized to Dora with a frown. 'I've never been in a situation like this before.'  
'Neither have I, really. At least not with a guy. But I can still pull your hair if we get in a catfight so I guess that's okay.' The two Black's shot each other a sheepish grin and Remus couldn't help but smile, too. It wasn't completely comfortable but it worked out for the best.  
'Shall we go?' He offered as he completely covered Sirius with the cloak. 'The sooner we're out of here, the sooner we can get home and I can get that cloak off of you again.'  
'Amongst other things.' Invisible Sirius replied and Remus nudged him. 'Ow! That was my boob!'  
'You don't _have_ boobs.' Remus corrected the air and agreed with a _ah, right_. 'Now. Let's go.'

He raised his wand and started walking up the staircase, Dora just behind him and Sirius… well. Somewhere too. His sensitive hearing could make up three pairs of footsteps, including his own, so that was good. When they reached the hallway and started to walk down towards the door at the end, something dawned to Remus. Before he gave himself another second to think about it, he threw Dora aside and mowed his hands through the hair until they reached Sirius, pushed him against the wall and pulled the hood off, pointing his wand at Sirius' face.  
'Remus, what are you doing!' Dora gasped, pulling his arm. Remus pushed her away, staring at Sirius' frightened eyes.  
'Mad Eye would kill us if he knew how careless we were. Fuck.' He scraped his throat and thought for a moment before he bowed closer towards Sirius. 'What is hardly any good?'  
Sirius' frightened eyes started to calm down, now he realised what Remus was up to.  
'Cold eggs.' He said, now smiling slightly.  
'What _could_ we do?'  
'Shake hands.' Sirius nodded. 'Come on. Give me three out of three.' He joked and though Remus was starting to feel more and more calm with the answer, he decided to go for one last one.  
'What was on the note.'  
Sirius' smile withered and his face grew serious but he answered nevertheless.  
'_I can't stay. It's for the best_.' He whispered at the painful memory.

Remus nodded as he let go of Sirius, who stepped away from the wall and moved his back a bit.  
'I'm sorry.' Remus frowned. 'That would've been a plot twist that could've been the death of me.'  
'Hell no. That's smart, I should've done the same.' Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Perhaps I should! Alright mister. How did you find out I was gay?'  
Remus felt a blush creep over his cheeks as he clearly remembered that time he had run up the attic stairs, afraid Sirius was in pain. He side glanced towards Dora and then leaned over to Sirius, whispering the answer in his ear.  
'Correct.' Sirius smiled and pressed a quick kiss on his lips. 'Good. Once that's settled. I know _she_ is Dora. No denying that. Let's go before we run out of time.'  
Remus decided to ask about the Dora matter later, but he suspected it had something to do with the odd hand movement.  
'Yes. Of course.'  
They quickly made their way to the end of the hallway and Dora threw it open, three of them wands at the ready to attack. But the room was empty. Completely empty. Everything was as they left it. No one got alerted by the sounds in the basement and the others hadn't returned from their search yet. Though Remus didn't trust it. This was _too_ easy.  
'_Homonum revelio.'_ Remus muttered but nothing happened. 'This is too easy.' He voiced his thoughts. 'Get under the cloak.'  
Sirius obeyed and disappeared completely as they walked, carefully with soft steps, towards the front door. Dora opened it as Remus stood back to back with her and kept an eye on the rooms behind them. Sirius was doing God knew what but Remus trusted he was alert as well.

Dora carefully opened the door and peaked around the corner.  
'No one. If we get beyond the gate we can apparate.' She whispered. 'That's like what.. twenty yards?'  
Remus took a brief look over her shoulder.  
'Make that 200.'  
Dora shrugged.  
'I'm not good with stuff like this. _That_ distance. And we can easily make it. So what do we do? Sneak or run?'  
'Sneak.' Remus and invisible Sirius said at the same time.  
'Running could alert someone upstairs and they could attack from the windows.' Remus explained his choice and Dora nodded in agreement.  
'Let's go.' She whispered as she opened the door and stepped outside. Remus and Sirius followed. Remus could hear a relieved sigh escape from Sirius' lips as he took in the fresh, musky forest smell.  
The three of them carefully walked down the long path towards the high gates. It came closer. And closer. And closer. But when they reached the twenty yards Dora guessed, he picked up a noise.  
'Wait!' He whispered and everyone stopped. 'I hear something.'  
'What?' Dora whispered back urgently.

'Me.' A voice said, cold and slick and Malfoy stepped from behind the stone pillars that held the gate and blocked their way out. A sickening giggle filled the air as Bellatrix stepped from behind the other pillar.  
'Wolfie, wolfie. Want to play?' She grinned.

'How..' Dora started but Malfoy shot her a glance that silenced her.  
'Please. You really think we would be fooled that easily? We've known for ages that isn't the hide out for the Order. Even someone as stupid as Fenrir would remember that. We knew it was a trick. I guess he is underneath the cloak you used to come in?'  
'You breath loudly when you are excited.' Bellatrix giggled. 'We knew. We knew!'  
'Expelliarmus!' Malfoy shouted and he caught Remus' wand. Dora stepped forward, raising hers but Malfoy made a belittling noise.  
'Tut. You know it's no use. You attack one of us and the other will take out the wolf.' He let his eyes wander around the path. 'You better show yourself, Black. Or your lover is gonna die.'  
Remus motioned for Sirius to do it. He was defenceless right now and Malfoy had taken a very smart turn by disarming him. One wrong step and either Dora would lose the father of her child or Sirius would lose his lover. It was too big a risk.  
He saw how Sirius' head appeared a lot closer then he thought he would be and they exchanged glances. Both knew their changes were limited.

'So..' Malfoy started as he looked at his deranged cousin.'  
'Who should we take out first?'  
Bellatrix grinned and took a step forward, raising her wand and alternated it between Sirius, Remus and Dora. Then her wand whipped towards Dora and Remus' heart skipped a beat.

_The smell of forests. Sick giggling and a wand pointed at Dora's chest. A jet of light emerged from it. Without thinking Remus jumped in front of her and felt the stinging in his chest but his motionless frame never hit the floor, yet he fell and fell and fell with empty eyes._

Clearer than ever the dream shot through his head. It hadn't been the moment in the dungeons. It was here, right now. It hadn't been a dream after all.. He could choose not to.. He could.. But he didn't. As Bellatrix shouted her _Sectusempa!_he took a leap and jumped in front of her. Sirius shouted, Dora yelled and there was a vague flash of something silver when the spells crashed into his chest. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. But the impact made his head slam backwards and he wondered whether he had broken his neck as his body fell to the floor. He never hit it, though. There was just a lot of screaming, shouting and flashes of red and green and before he could fall down everything around him started turning.

Was this what dying felt like?


	23. Chapter 23

**So, we heard tons about Sirius' parents and mostly about how crap they are. But I don't think I mentioned Remus' parents one single time! Somehow I figured they are dead or we would've heard about them before.. So I thought I'd give you a little insight chapter. I know it's a bit.. cheesy perhaps. But I feel like I needed to do that. It was his mother at first but I somehow felt that his dad would feel better?**

He woke up by a blinding light and covered his eyes with his hands. He felt as if he should shield himself from the fighting but there was none. In fact, there was nothing. No sound. No spells. Not even air or ground or people fighting along him. He peeked through his fingers and was greated by a completely white room. Or space. It seemed endless and yet confined to this size. It was confusing and like nothing he'd ever seen before.

'Dora..' He muttered as he looked around. 'Sirius.. Where are they?' His voice didn't echo through the empty space. In fact, it seemed as non-existent as everything around him.  
'Don't worry. They're alright.'  
A voice erupted from behind him. It was there and yet it wasn't. It was confusing and yet Remus had never felt this calm and balanced before. That was probably a good thing because hearing a voice he hadn't heard in twenty years sure would've been a shocker. He turned around to face a man his age that looked exactly like him, apart from the bright, blue eyes. He was wearing white too and seemed as endless and confined as the rest of the room. As if he was there and yet wasn't. But nevertheless Remus recognized him all too well.

'Dad.' He stated and felt how his lips were able to produce a smile despite all the stress from the past year. As if the entire war no longer existed. It probably didn't in this space.  
The man smiled back at him.  
'Look at you. You've grown since I last saw you.' He reached out and squeezed Remus' shoulder. He couldn't feel it, though. As if he was a memory come to life. Remus didn't know what to say. He remembered the day his father had died and he didn't look a year older than he had back them. Remus had been seventeen, his father had just turned thirty-seven. He was actually older now than the father he was standing next to. It was a weird thought.

'You must have a lot of questions.' His father, the John that had provided his middle name, said as he said down on a bench Remus could swear hadn't been there earlier. 'So you better get started. I'm not sure how long I can be here.'  
Nevertheless he sank down next to him as he took Remus' hand in his. Again he couldn't actually feel it but the memories of his father holding his hand through after every moon were so vivid that it was easy to imagine he _could _feel his hands squeezing his. He had a lot of questions. Yes. But where to start?  
'Why do you look so young and I'm just.. me?' It seemed like a foolish thing to ask. Yet he did.  
'Well. I've been told that in this place, we all look at our best. This is what I looked like just after you graduated from Hogwarts. It must have been my golden years.' John winked.  
'Then why don't I look like that? I look exactly like I did a few moments ago. I think.'  
'You do.' He said. 'Because you may not realise it yet, but you've never been happier then you are right now.'  
'Being dead?' Remus asked.  
'Oh no my boy. You are not dead. He's not ready to live without you. He won't be for a very long time.'**  
**'Teddy?' Remus asked.  
'Sirius.' His father answered and for the first time since he opened his eyes he felt a hint of actual emotion. He wasn't sure what it was.  
'You know about that?' He whispered. Not that he was ashamed of Sirius. Not at all. But he could not deny there had been moments he was glad his parents had not been alive to, after his becoming a werewolf, see him getting divorced and falling in love with a much younger man too. But somehow, John knew.  
´The dead see all.´ He said, wiggling his fingers the way he used to do when Remus was just a kid. ´No. Just kidding. We don´t see all. But we can feel. I´ve felt every moment of pain, sorrow and happiness you´ve been through since the moment I passed away. Sometimes we get some vague hints of memories but never really clear images.´ He motioned towards the white around them, as if Remus was supposed to see something. ´And there has been a lot of pain and sorrow. But more recently things got brighter. A lot brighter. But not for him. He is not ready to be without you yet.´  
´He can handle himself.´ Remus protested, a little taken aback by the fact his father knew so much about his life. Remus protested softly, still looking around at the white. Was it really a sign he wasn't yet dead because he couldn't see any vague shapes or feel so little emotion apart from Sirius?  
'I wouldn't be so sure about that.' John disagreed. 'He needs you pretty hard right now. Just look at him.' And he stared so deeply into Remus' eyes that Remus wondered whether he was even still human or had turned into some sort of magic mirror. It made him insecure. As if every doubt he still had about their relationship was suddenly spilling out of him like a waterfall.

'But he's so young. Is that even okay? I don't want it to start feeling like I'm raising another son.'  
His father snorted.  
'Well, son. If it starts feeling like that, you and I have a _very_ different outlook on raising children.'  
Remus gave his father a stern look but his father winked and he couldn't help but smile before his face grew serious again.  
'I mean.. He is just twenty. That is very young.'  
'Age is just a number. I was twenty when you were born. And I may say so, we did a damn good job raising you.'  
Remus blushed.  
'Are you sure about that?'  
'Of course I am!' His father almost shouted out. 'You are too hard for yourself, Remus.'  
'I'm a werewolf. I'm gay. I'm divorced. It's hard to be proud of that.'  
'Oh Remus.' His father sighed. 'Don't blind yourself on things that aren't your fault. No, even the divorce. That was imminent from the start and let's be honest, it made you a better person. But you forget about the things you _do_ have influence on. Your kind character. Your forgiveness. Your sensitivity. Those things combined makes you one of the most beautiful people that ever walked this earth. And I'm not just saying it because I'm your dad.'  
Remus felt a little pride glow inside of him. His dad never had been one for compliments. He knew his dad loved him, of course. He'd always been there for him, through all the rough patches. But they had a hard time with him being a werewolf and the little money they had.. Hearing his father actually say he was proud.. That meant something.

'Where's mom?' Remus asked carefully.  
'Having tea with aunty Daisy.' His father said, making a face. He never liked aunty daisy. 'Besides, it would've been too crowded in here with three people.' He motioned towards the white around them that still seemed pretty gigantic to Remus. He decided not to ask. There was clearly a lot of stuff around here he wasn't ready to understand yet.

'What do you think of Sirius?' Remus whispered. 'Would you have been okay with this if you'd still be alive.'  
'I have to admit I wouldn't been a bit shocked to start with. But about his age, mostly. And about his name, of course. But I'd have been proud of him, too. A Black that breaks with his name, falls in love with a werewolf? Yes. He would've been able to call my home his as much as you do.'  
His father looked around him for a moment before leaning in closer.  
'I'm not really allowed to say this and I don't want to encourage either of you to torment faith.. But he is the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with. If both of you put effort in it, that is. Faith is merely the building blocks of your future. You have to put them in the right order yourself.'  
Then something changed in his eyes. The blue turned grey and stared at him intensely.  
´Please don´t go.´ He said, his voice changing and for a moment Remus was scared. Then however, as his father continued talking, he started to recognize the voice. ´I need you. Please.. Please don´t leave me..´ It was Sirius. He watched as his father started to change shape. His hair grew curly. The nose longer, the cheekbones higher. The white around him started to shrink to a room he vaguely recognized.  
´Dad..´ Remus whispered as he squeezed the hand that was still thirty-seven and not Sirius' yet. 'Dad. I think I have to go. I love you.'

With a flash the face turned back to his father's, the bright blue eyes and light brown hair. The little wrinkles as he laughed at his son with pride in his eyes.  
'I love you too.' He said, reached out and gave Remus a firm push.

Before he had time to think or even react things started changing. There was white not longer. He could feel… blankets? A pillow? A hand, young and soft, holding his. Sounds. Sobbing.

Sirius.


	24. Chapter 24

**All I'm gonna say is I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.**

Slowly the awareness of his existence returned. He realised he was able to move his finger. A soft tingling in his arms, his legs. Awareness of his own body and then, of a shooting pain in his chest. None of this happened with any sound. There wasn't a surprised shout or a pained groan from his mouth. It just.. happened. He could feel the mattress beneath him and the soft blanket covering him. He was back. He was alive.

He opened his eyes. The white was gone. His father was gone. Remus was now in a world he recognized with sounds he recognized. He looked down to his right and found Sirius close to him, his head buried in his arms. It felt unreal, almost like a dream. He was really hear. He could touch him and talk to him and be with him.. There was no one trying to part them. He was really there. They were safe and he would be able to tell everything he thought he would never be able to tell this gorgeous man again. At least not right now. They were safe.

It took him a while, too long, to realise something was still wrong, though. Something was wrong with Sirius. His back heaved with every breath. He was crying. Not hard but still crying.  
He lifted one hand, ignored the burning pain in his chest and rested it on Sirius' head. The latter shot up and before Remus had time to look at him, Sirius launched himself at Remus and buried his head in the man's neck, arms wrap tightly around him.  
For a moment it sounded as if Sirius was trying to say something but he started crying instead.  
Remus closed his eyes again as his arms slipped around Sirius' chest and took in the warmth of his skin burning through the t-shirt he was wearing. It was almost selfish but he seemed to care more about being able to hold Sirius again than about him being upset.

'Oh gods, Sirius.' Was all he could whisper. It wasn't until now that he grasped the full meaning of being able to hold Sirius again. Of knowing what it would be like if he had never been able to do this again. To feel that warmth against him. Those curls tickling his nose. The soft, musky smell he loved so much. He wished he could go back in time, back to that moment before Sirius ran off after that fight and slap some sense into himself. How could he ever, _ever_ have doubted this was not the man he wanted to share the rest of his life with?

'Sirius' He whispered again as he felt how the boy slowly started to relax in his arms but wasn't ready to face him yet. Remus fully realized something was wrong now. More than Sirius wanted to show. Something was very, very wrong?  
'I'm so glad you are okay.' He felt the hot breath whisper against his neck, the usually so cocky voice shaking.  
'Of course I'm okay. Don't worry.' His fingers played numbly with Black curls. 'We are safe now. We're home.'  
As soon as those words left his mouth he realised they were indeed home. He was in how own bed. The one he had shared with Sirius so little the past year.  
'We're home. Together.' He whispered again.  
'I can't live without you.' Sirius sniffed. 'You are all I have. Please don't even leave me again.'  
'I'm not gonna leave you. Not now, not ever.'  
He felt Sirius slightly relax again and hoped it was the right to ask.

'Sirius? What happened after we got out?'  
'We were embushed.' Sirius mumbled.  
'I remember that. Malfoy and Bellatrix.'  
He could feel Sirius nod.  
'And I saw a silvery flash just before I lost consciousness.'  
'That was the cloak. I panicked when I saw you jump in front of Dora and threw the cloak in front of it. Turns out it repels the actual effect of the spell but you still got knocked out somehow. It his Malfoy in the face and knocked him out too. It cost Dora and me a lot of effort to distract Bellatrix long enough to see if you were even alive and in a moment of panic I grabbed hold of both of you and apparated back to our apartment.'  
'Then why are you so upset? You knew I'd come around from that. It's hardly a scratch.'  
That was a lie. He was sure he had been administered the right potions but his chest still burned like a bitch. Nevertheless, he was alive and would probably soon be kicking, too. Then why was Sirius so upset? It had been _his_ fault they had been fighting, hadn't it? Not Sirius.  
'Sirius, what are you not telling me?'  
Sirius didn't answer.

'Maybe we should go see Lily and James. You are not okay, Sirius. Someone needs to look after you.'  
Remus answered as he propped himself up on his elbows and made a face at the stinging in his chest that didn't seem to stop. He would've loved to take care of Sirius himself but his chest.. It made him feel ancient. But he forgot all about that as he noticed tears starting to run down Sirius' cheeks again.  
'Sirius.' Remus asked, afraid to hear the worst. 'Sirius, what happened.'  
Sirius swallowed away his tears as he fixed his silver eyes upon Remus'. Then his mouth opened and the words that left his lips were the worst Remus had heard in his life.  
'They are dead.'

**Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Pre-last chapter. Be sure to have read the previous one on this one will be even less fun. We're nearing the end. Noooo. It saddens me so :(. But I won't leave you behind without a happy ending.. I think?**

It had taken another week before Remus was strong enough to leave the apartment and boy, was he glad he finally could. During the war he was been looking forward to the moment he'd finally get to spend more time with him. When he woke up from his odd moment in the white he realised he never wanted to let go of him again. But this was not the way he had pictured it. They had hardly spoken. There was too much pain. Too much sadness. There were no words they could say that somehow triggered that loss again and made it that much worse. So they didn't speak. He almost forgot what Sirius' voice sounded like. What his eyes looked like, for they couldn't even face each other. He hadn't seen Dora of Teddy either. Sirius had promised him they were safe and they'd be back soon, though, before he stopped talking al together.

Remus was convinced he would never forget the words that came out of Sirius' mouth a week ago. It had taken a lot of time and patience but finally Sirius spilled what had happened. As it turned out, there had been a prophecy. One about Voldemort's ending. His death. And it had had something to do with the Potters. Somehow he had gotten into the Order, deserted at that point apart from them. First he had killed James. Then Lily. But it had been Harry, little baby Harry, that had ended him. No one knew why or how. But it had happened. The spell had backfired and Voldemort disappeared, along with his Death Eaters. Remus knew Sirius blamed himself. After he had taken Remus home, safe, he returned with Dora to the Order where they had found a bunch of Death Eaters attacking the order. The Prewetts were able to take a couple of them outside and finish them off. Dora had been fighting furiously and so had Sirius, James and Lily. But when Sirius found Teddy underneath a table, staring at him in fright with those brown eyes that resembled his father's so much, he panicked. He took Dora by her arm, Teddy underneath the other one and dragged them outside, apparating to safer grounds for the sake of his lover. When he returned..

Remus took a deep, shaking breath. When he returned, everything looked like this and it was too like. He stared at the library. Or at least what was left of it. It was a horrible reminder of the misery that had taken place and how he had not been there to save them. Part of the roof had been blown off. Remus guessed that was where the curse had backfired. He wondered if Harry would remember this when he was all grown up.  
Harry..  
His stomach made a twist. That was the reason why they were here. Little Harry. After the accident, while Remus was still recovering and Sirius too upset to even think about eating himself, Dora had taken Harry with her to take care of him for the time being. But it had been Remus that was his lawful guardian and it was time he'd take his duty upon. He glared at his watch. Two more minutes.  
You could say a lot about Dora but she was punctual.

He turned his head to face Sirius. He had tried to convince him to stay home but the young man had put on his coat, taken Remus' arm and apparated without saying a word. Remus couldn't help but wonder if he would ever speak again. Right now he was standing with his hands in his pockets, lips purged and fighting the urge to cry. He just kept staring at the blown off roof. Remus wondered if he should hug him. But as Sirius had once told him, no one ever thought him how to handle these kind of emotions and Remus decided it was better to take learning that slow..

A _bang_ startled them both. Their heads turned simultaneously as Dora came in view, Teddy holding her hand and a little boy in a blue coat on his arm.

***

'We should move.'  
The words woke Remus from an unpleasant daydream and he stared at Sirius. He was sitting on the couch, curled up and Harry sleeping in his arms.  
'Move? Why?'  
Remus cursed himself. These were the first words Sirius had spoken in a week and he seemed to doubt them. Sirius didn't look at him though. He absentmindedly stroked the messy black hair of the little kid in his lap as if he was the most precious thing he had ever seen.  
'We have to move.' He repeated. 'Somewhere quiet where we can raise Harry.'  
'Yes. Maybe we should.' Remus spoke so soft he wondered whether Sirius could even hear him. He walked over towards the couch and sat down next to the man he loved so much. Next to the little kid that hardly seemed aware of the awful thing that had happened to him.  
'Where do you want to go?'  
Sirius shrugged.  
'Somewhere quiet. Where we can all be together. Forever.'  
'We'll start looking first thing in the morning. I promise. For now I think we should bring Harry to bed.'  
But Sirius seemed reluctant to let go of the little boy.  
'Sirius, he needs a proper sleep.'  
'I know.' Sirius muttered. 'I just don't want to.. I'm afraid that if I let go he'll..'  
'I understand.' Remus said. And he did. 'What if he sleeps with us tonight?'  
Sirius took a deep, shivering breath but then nodded.  
'Yeah. Yeah.'

***

Half an hour later Remus found himself in his bed with Sirius and little Harry in between. Sirius was no longer clinging to him as if he could disappear but rested one hand on the sleeping boy's chest to make sure he was still breathing.  
'He's so small.' Sirius whispered so softly Remus could hardly hear. 'Did it feel like this with Teddy?'  
'It did.' Remus nodded and was reminded of a time much like this, when he was lying in bed with Dora and Teddy. 'I loved being a dad straight away.'  
'It suits you.' Sirius sighed. 'I'm not sure I could ever be a father.'  
'You are now, though.'  
'Am I?' Sirius redirected his gaze. 'He's yours, by law. If something happens to you..' He shook his head, not being able to even think about losing the little boy. 'I'd be no one.'  
Remus swallowed away the lump in his throat and placed his hand over the one holding Harry.  
'You'll never be no one, with or without me. Don't let anyone, ever tell you that. You are Harry's dad as much as I am. I'll do anything to make sure of that.' He cleared his throat and frowned as he propped up on one arm and stared at Sirius.  
'Actually.. There's something I wanted to ask you for quit some time now but it never seemed the right time. This probably isn't the right time either but..' He shook his head, not sure he should've started this conversation. Sirius, however, seemed to disagree.  
'Say it.' He mouthed, eyes locked with Remus' and a scared yet desiring look in his eyes. A bit of his old sparkle. And so Remus said it.

'Will you marry me?'

**This was the pre-last chapter! Last will be the absolute last of this series. Seriously. I'm gonna miss it so much!**


	26. Chapter 26

**I can't believe Atticted is actually coming to an end. I loved this story so much! There will not be a part three but I will be re-writing White Walls (again). I hope I'll see you all there!**

**Thanks for all the favorites, reviews and followers. That bodes well for my writing spirits!  
Special Thanks to RavenclawWitch18, hato-ryou-chan and of course NeonDomino for reading everything I write down! It inspired me A LOT. And I hope to see you back soon!**

'No! That's not how.. Harry! Stop it!' We're planting. _Planting._ This is called _pulling out_. Just.. would you.. Like this, look. NO! I'm trying to be a good dad here! Stop it! Merlin!'

Things had changed over the past year. A lot and luckily, all of it for the best.  
Remus was sitting by the window of their new home, enjoying a newspaper and a cup of fresh coffee. This particular window watched out over a little garden in which Sirius was planting and Harry pulling. It was fun to see Sirius struggle between just having fun and being a slightly stern dad. Though there was no doubt in the world to how much he loved Harry. The boy would turn two, next week. He had grown so much the past year..

Yes, it was almost too perfect and picturesque. Too movie-like. But it was life and frankly it was more he could ever have wished for. No longer a flat in the center of London. Sirius had been right. Their one-bedroom apartment wasn't fit for raising a kid. They were parents now, both of them. A nice little house was soon found. Money wasn't a problem. Sirius probably could've afforded a reasonably sized castle if he wanted to. Either way. It was a nice, three-bedroom home with a little garden and enough room for them, Harry and the times Teddy would stay over.

Through the open window the voices of Sirius and Harry drifted in on a cool breeze and he bowed over the newspaper, glasses on his nose and an open cardigan for the moments the sun wouldn't break through. There was no mentioning of Voldemort or any of his followers for a year now. It was really over. And though he would never forget at what cost, he was glad it was.

He had been afraid of the sudden amount of time he got to spend with Sirius, that it would be a burden. That their grief would stand between them or that a full time amount of Sirius be overwhelming but none of that had proven to be true. The grief bound them, gave them someone to cry with and comfort in times of need. And the fulltime amount of Sirius.. it awoke a life force in Remus he never knew he could possess. Even their difference in age was hardly ever a problem. Sirius loved teas in him at moments like this, newspaper and glasses. But in the end, his unfortunate childhood had left him more mature than anyone his age should be. Apart, of course, from the moment he dragged Remus down in doing childish things (something Remus loved just as much), they had a very mature and equal relationship. Sirius was no longer his boyfriend. He was his husband. That's right. Let's not forget mentioning that. They were a married couple. The wedding hadn't been anything special. Just them and witnesses. Dora for Remus, Fabian for Sirius. None of them voiced the thought it should've been James and Lily..

' Hey gramps, why reading the paper when you could be outside, playing with the kids?' Sirius was leaning in the window, blocking most of his light. It turned him into a curly headed silhouette.  
' Stop calling me gramps.' Remus complained as he put down the newspaper.  
'Sorry to break it to you.' Sirius grinned. ' But if you're sitting like that, you look like a gramps. Sixty, at least.'  
' And what exactly does that say about you?' Remus retorted. He swatted the newspaper at Sirius who dodged it just in time.  
' That I like my men old and dirty?' The newspaper this time left Remus' hand this time and flew into the garden as Sirius dove away, laughing, and re-appeared in the doorway shortly after. He grinned wildly, then looked at a dirty little boy with brown hands and a dirt-stripe across his face.  
'Why don't you go wash your hands and get mr. Snuffles from the kitchen? Auntie Dora could be here every minute.'

They watched how Harry skitted away and Sirius flopped down in Remus' lap.  
' Auntie Dora?' The latter asked, wondering whether he had forgotten something.  
' Surprise.' Sirius smiled. 'Harry is gonna stay the weekend with Dora.'  
Remus stared at the man in his lap with a surprised face. Ever since that night, Sirius had hardly let Harry out of his sight for more than a few minutes.  
'Why?' He asked in sincere wonder. Sirius shrugged.  
' Because it's hard work to be a daddy? We haven't had any time for just the two of us in a long time. I know that's my fault..'  
'Not your fault.'  
' Hush, let me finish.'  
Remus raised his arms in a motion of surrender.  
'As I was saying.. I know that I may have been a little obsessed with Harry's safety the past year. It's time we get some.. alone time. We haven't even had a honeymoon.'  
' You are really going to let him go?' Remus stared up at Sirius, a strange glow of pride in his stomach. Sirius shrugged again.  
'It's just for one night. And I'll probably call her at least seven times.'  
' Are you sure you are a father? Cause sometimes you really sound like a mother.' Remus joked and Sirius gave him a face.  
'I'll show you I'm a guy as soon as Harry is out. But I have to warm you, if you're not convinced by now.. them I'm not sure what to do.'  
Remus gave him a face in return and they watched how Harry came back into the living room, clean but also soaking wet and mr. Snuffles safely in his arms. They both grinned at the sight of the little kid's frustrated face. Then Remus suddenly got a moment of sadness.

' I wonder if I'll ever be able to look at Harry and not be reminded of James.' He sighed.  
' You shouldn't. ' Sirius stated as he rested his head on Remus', watching the little boy.  
' I shouldn't.' Remus smiled.


End file.
